Expert: L.E. Coleman - 12/15/2009

Question
Long story short, Im 24, painfully shybut funny once I warm up to a person. Never had a boyfriend, never really tried since I felt growing up I wasn't pretty enough. Theres a man at work who I'm really interested in, thing is he's as quiet as I am. I think he's pretty clueless that I like him. I don't want to scare him off, and 2) I don't know what I can do that won't cause my stomach to drop to my knees with butterflies. Tips, suggestions or advice?

Answer
Hi Lisa:

Let the butterflies loose.  The bottom line is this: if he's interested in you--even just a little bit--he's not going run for the hills.  He may find it a bit flattering; but you're never going to know if you don't let him know that you're interested in him. Even if he's shy and backs away for a bit, he will still know the balls is in his court to pursue something with you should he choose to. However, you are going to scare him off if you're afraid you're going to scare him off. Fear has a way of bringing the very things we DON'T want to our doorsteps.  In other words, he'll pick up on your vibration of fear and things will be dead before they get started.  If you're still struggling with self esteem (and it sounds like you still are) it's going to be rocky for you on the road to love.  If you can ever get to the point of believing that a man would be foolish not to date you because you're a fine catch--they'll pick up on that vibration also.  So, it sounds like you've got a lot of inner work to do.  In the meantime, what do you have to lose?  You're already not dating him.  If he decided, for whatever reason, not to take you up on your offer--you've lost nothing. Be a big girl. Believe it or not, you can handle rejection; every pretty girl has been lied to, cheated on, dumped and tossed to the side for someone prettier--that's the reason you see a lot of ugly dudes with beautiful women.  You're pretty enough.  Go for it and if it doesn't work, you haven't lost a thing.