Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 12/28/2009

Question
helo Dr Denis. I dont know if you recall me, but i,m grace. I,m a college sophmore in fashion school in nyc. The question i want to ask you might not be under this section, but i think your one of the few who could help me because you have experience in what i,m about to ask. I am a people person and i am very interested in being a matchmaker and dating coach. Most importantly i,m also great at it. Ive practicing this with my friends and relatives ever since i was a baby lol. I was the kid who was always reading alot of psychology and dating books growing up. I will go the library and spend hours returning home with a bag full of books. lol.I currently just started a wing girl business where i coach guys on attracting and picking up woman. I really want to get more experience in this field too by interning or working with a matchmaking or coaching service. I did start a small matchmaking business also but i felt like i wasn't ready and i figured a lighter approach was to start a wing girl business which going just fine. I really do enjoy helping people find love and i,m great at it. But ill like to work with a matchmaking company or dating coach just to get more knowledge and become experienced. Can you give me any advice on how to do that.Can you give me some advice on how to get an internship or job with dating or matchmaking company? Thank you.

Answer
Hello Grace!

First of all, I'm very proud of you! Helping people in this way is a really great thing to be doing - and can be a really great business at the same time. While there are many people that deal with the mentally unhealthy, this is a chance to work with those that are healthy - and want to have equally healthy relationships. What a great opportunity! After all, where are people going to find the greatest satisfaction and

Here's a couple of suggestions before I get to your specific question:

1) Realize what you do and don't know. I see many so-called "experts" get way in above their heads and do far more damage than good. Know when to refer to someone else and do so liberally.

2) Don't judge. This is the toughest part because we always want to impose our own beliefs of what's "right" on someone else. That takes away the humanity part of relationships and tries to make it formulaic. Each person has their own goals and their own reasons for doing what they do. You have to take judgment out of it if you're going to really help someone. You need to be able to see things through their eyes and only steer them away from things that are bad choices because they will likely be damaged in their pursuit - or worse, actually getting it.

3) Pick an expert and study her or his philosophies in great depth. Don't try to take everything out there and mash it up into your own concepts. It doesn't work and all you do is throw techniques rather than crafting something that fits that philosophy because it's well studied and proven effective.

4) Get modern! I see countless "experts" trying to teach techniques that worked 10, 30 and even 50 years ago that absolutely don't apply today! Dating in this new century is VERY different from even how your parents went about it. Further, they did it for different reasons than people do today. This comes back to the "don't judge" advice I mentioned before, but makes sure the tools you use are up-to-date. The "Wing Babe" concept (my term) is a great one - and a great example of a modern dating technique, but make sure your girls are as skilled as you are. They can hurt your guys/girls as surely as anyone else can.

5) Get some training! I sit on the faculty of Dr. Ava Cadell's "Loveology University" (http://loveologyuniversity.com) - an incredible school to help educate both those that provide services ("Loveologists") AND those that are looking for them. It's a great curriculum with tons and tons of material and I recommend you look into it. Dr. Cadell is an incredible practitioner and individual.

This last piece of advice has another benefit: it can help you work with someone else that has been certified either as an apprentice/intern or as a partner.

Most traditional matchmaking services are frankly a load of crap! They really aren't interested in what makes people good matches. Further, they don't even know WHY people match and why they don't. They simply take people's money and throw some of them together to see what fits. Few do.

This is again why getting some education under your belt is so important. I teach a set of "communication models" that specify not only how to build rapport and connection between people, but also WHY people match - or don't. This is a good place to start. When you combine it with your own experience, these become powerful tools to teach others.

It also gives you a marketable skill that these businesses are looking for. If they can market your expertise, they can (and will!) pay you for it as well!

I hope that gives you some things to work with.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"