Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 12/16/2009

Question
hello. how are you doing. my name is grace. I,m 21 year-old female girl from NYC. (fashion designer) I,m outgoing, sophisticated and friendly and i guess sorta a sweet girl. a little bit of the girl next door personality but more spontaneous and adventurous. i,m bubbly and easy going. my style is very feminine but not too revealing. example ill wear a nice purple pencil dress and some nice high heel boots and a trench coat or a nice jeans with a feminine blousy top with a cute pair of heels.(hope you have an idea of my style) I,m the type of girl who people find it very easy to be comfortable around me. I think i,m somewhat good looking. I have no problem getting attention from guys but the problem is i always attract the wrong guys.  I,m attracted to classy, clean cut mature, nice guys. A guy in a button down shirt, tie with jeans or dress pants is so irresistible to me. And suits are just sooo attractive to me.  Problem is that, its quite rare for this guys to approach me especially if dont know me. Alot of them will stare at me but its rare for them approach me and start a conversation or hit on me. what advice can you give me a far as approaching this guys or getting this guys to approach me. Thanks you.

Answer
Hello Grace!

Is this a dating question or a personal ad?    ;)

You actually have a number of different questions here.

As far as your style, you seem to have a good eye toward that and I'd never presume to give you fashion advice. Trust me, you wouldn't want it anyway. However, I always say, "dress for your market".

You live in NYC and there are tons and tons of guys that dress just how you like. Wall Street is lousy with them! In fact, there are very few guys there that don't dress that way. Thus, you're also in the right market-area for the guys you're attracted to.

You need to understand that painfully few guys these days know how to approach women. It's very sad frankly. Guy simply don't have the models or roll-models to follow. So, instead of doing what they need to do (like find a nice girl like you, come up and say "hi") they hang back looking for the sure thing. As you know, there are no sure things in life!

You can help these guys along by doing the right things however, but you need to understand something else: women's signals are usually way, way too subtle. We guys aren't particularly subtle creatures. When you throw a signal, it's likely far too small for us to even pick up on. Thus, make your eye contact, your smiles and even your verbal messages larger than would normally seem comfortable to you. That'll make them just about right. If you're still not getting the approaches you think you should have, ramp them up even farther!

As to how to approach these guys yourself; I commend you on high for that idea! Do you know how very few women are willing to do this? Yes, I understand that you want to have guys that are bold and confident and not afraid of approaching you. I fully get it. It appeals to that internal wiring of yours. However, many of these guys aren't shy at all - they simply don't know what to do as I've already said.

As well, many girls fear looking desperate by approaching guys. Grace, we guys simply don't think that way - trust me. I once had this girl come over to me in a bar, stand right in front of me, point her finger at my nose and say, "You need to meet me!" I did meet her, and to this day, I *STILL* don't think she was desperate! I think she was strategic!

By learning how to approach these guys on your own, you open up an entire world of possibilities! Keep in mind that simply approaching a guy doesn't mean yo have to do any more of his work for him. Once you break the ice, many guys will carry the ball for you from there.

Even better, you have some incredible tools to approach guys that even guys don't have to approach you! With all this said, you absolutely SHOULD be approaching guys! It's actually a lot of fun once you learn how.

If you check my website (http://BeingAMan.com) I have an entire e-book available that tells women exactly how to do this; where to find great guys, how to break the ice and even all the tricks you have that we don't. I encourage you to check it out.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
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