Expert: Rhapsody Love - 12/15/2009

Question
Hi, I'm 24 years old andnive never had a boyfriend. I don't think its because I'm   unattractive, or have an unpleasant personality. It's more to do that I'm painfully shy around guys that I'm attracted to. Around guys in not attracted to i ch be funny and alot of fun but when this guy named "Dale" comes around I bottle up and my fun personality disappears. I can still function, I dont have that bad of a crush. Anyway, "Dale" works in A different department than I do, only part time while he is looking for work as a teacher which he went to school for. His sister actually works in my department and we're pretty good work friends. Anyway through the years I got to know Dale a bit and got to like him. A downside is that through the years I kbow like me he is very quiet and reserved. I don't think even if he was madly in love with me he would give me a hint. He does engage in small talk with me every once in awhile when he's around and he's actually pretty good about remembering details he's learned about me. But then again sometimes I feel completly invisable. Not a word and maybe one quick glance as he works. I don't want to bother him but it really gives my confidence a blow I dong expect him to fall heads over heels for me but I just don't know what to make of him. I think he's just completely oblivious. I just don't know what I can do that will A) attract him and let him know I'm interested and B) not completely scare him off since he's shy too. Hope this didn't ramble on too much, hope you can help me.

Answer
Liss,

It sounds like he's a nice guy and probably wouldn't be scared off if you said or did something a little bold. If he isn't really interested in you and you expressed interest in him, you might feel embarrassed, but I don't think he'd hold it against you. It wouldn't help your confidence, of course, but you'd get over it. Wouldn't it be better than not knowing?

You could tell his sister that you like him and see what she says. Maybe she can help you.

The fact that he doesn't pay attention to you when he's working just means he's conscientious about his work and not distracted by women. It might mean he's not a highly passionate man, raging with testosterone. That can be good, too, because he might be a more down-to-earth man who would not stray if he decides that he wants to get serious with you.

Many people have this problem about being shy and not knowing what step to take next. I can't tell you what would be exactly the right step for you, but I believe it's better to try than to let an opportunity go by. Talk to his sister & talk to him. Maybe if you get to know him better you'll feel more relaxed around him and your personality will come out.

Good luck!

- Joyce