Expert: Erica - 12/10/2009

Question
Dear Erica
This guy has been in and out of my life due to problems his end. I let him go each time and tried to move on in life. He has been married before and much much hurt in that relationship. He says he genuinely loves me which is why he keeps coming back, that I am that one person to whom he can talk to, trust above all.
He is the one who talks about commitment and how beautiful our life will be together, to the extent that he mentioned he will talk to my parents too.
He lives in a different city and has recently started on a new job. Well and good. However, I cant help but feel lonely at times, because it feels at times that I am forcing him to say something. I dont want to lose him, and I have been pleasantly distant so as to let him come closer. Now that he has and I want to genuinely start thinking about the future together, he doesnt seem to be taking any concrete steps for it. What do I do? Whenever there is no reply from him for a while I will think, right, I need to be distant, unpredictable and let him come to me, lo and behold! It will turn out that he is going thru something bad and I feel guilty of not being understanding and end up being concerned and motherly. Oh I am so confused, how can I be concerned but be unpredictable, keep this man interested and all that. Please help. How can I behave in the best possible way so as to speed up his commitment intentions?

Thanks and regards

Answer
Dear Cathy,
If what you want is a committment from a man then that is what you deserve.  We should never do the chasing..... All of us have baggage, but if they want to be with us bad enough they do whatever it is that they need to do... period..... Step back and let him make all of the moves regarding your future... set your own deadline without telling him about it and if he doesn't set things up then keep that promise to yourself and move on.  You deserve to be with someone who makes you happy.... Good Luck