Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 2/10/2009

Question
Hi ,

I am a long time reader to your web site and today I have my own question and would be really appreciated if you can help me with your opinion.

We have known each other for 3 years and met or talked regularly in a working environment may be once per month. Although we liked each other very much, due to our circumstances, it was difficult for us to pursue a relationship as normal as we both are in a relationship with a partner and at mature ages and a relationship between us is a forbidden thing in our environment.

That is why our relationship just has been through lots of ups and downs, playing games, hot and cold treatments towards each others. We were attracted to each other very much but could not make it clear.

We talked a lot and he touched me a lot to show his interests( in a friendly way ). We did have good time talking and flirting and showing interests and
deeply affected by each other. But often we confused each other and were not really sure about what the other thought and ended up hurting each other. We both are a bit arrogant and have a strong personality. He is a truly alpha male in all areas.

We've never had sex and even not going out with each other. He did asked me out once but I refused as I were not sure about his feelings towards me at that stage yet.

But things got worse as there was once I felt frustrated with his behavior and responded a bit strongly to him. And one thing lead to another, he responded even stronger to me and I responded even more stronger to him. It was like a circle.

And we both felt hurt by the others and in pain but we could not stop this behavior although we knew we  very much loved each other.

The last time something not expecting happened between us and I was a bit angry towards him and ended up hurt his feelings a little bit by my words meaning I really did not care about him. And of course he got hurt and hit me back with his words showing he did not care for me as well.

But this last time he was overreacted to hurting my feelings and I felt like it was better for me to stop these messy things with him permanently by never contacting him again.

But I still love him and know that he still loves me. So do you think will he ever contact me again if I initiate to stop contacting him? Do you think if we get back together then we will have a happy time together after hurting each other feelings very much even though we've never even had a first date yet..

Thanks in advance.

Kathy  

Answer
Dear Kathy,

Welll, I would question what you are getting out of this, which you call a messy situation.  He may contact you again, yes.  You would just have to wait and see.  When you say "get back together" again , I'm not sure I know what you mean, because of the nature of what is going on.  

I would have to ask you this -- why do you want this, when you are both in other relationships.  

It is possible to forgive anyone for anything.  It's good if participants in an argument learn from the experience.  It looks like the two of you escalate in an argument.  Next time take care, and don't go that route.

All the best,
Susan