Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 2/17/2009

Question
Hi,

I lived in an apartment with 2 female roommates. One was a bully and was constantly harassing me, screaming at me, cursing at me, swearing at me, etc. She would humiliate me in public and make nasty comments about me all the time. She even called me "flat tits" because I have small breasts. She screamed at me at the top of her lungs with a lot of hatred and my other roommate and her would just smirk and laugh. We certainly had many good times together, but she crossed the line a lot with her behavior.

I always treated her with kindness. Only one time I screamed back at her and afterwards I heard both of them laughing about it.

After 8 months, my term at school ended so I was going home. I packed up my stuff and the minutes before my taxi came to pick me up, the bully finally decides that she wants to get to know me. She asked about my schooling. I told her that because of college and graduate school, I was $200,000 in debt. She asked me what my parents did, and I told her that my mom had undergone brain surgery and my father had three heart attacks. Then my taxi came.

She patted me on the shoulder and said "Anna - you're the best"

I got an email from her later that night, saying that she hoped my flight went well and I had arrived home safely. I didn't answer.

It's been a few months now.

Do you think that she will ever regret the way she treated me? Does she regret already?

Answer
She may.  The thing about bullies is that they bully.  They choose someone who will take it, and it's a pattern.  

The important thing is that I hope you don't get into a situation like this again.  It isn't up to you to be a martyr, hoping someone will learn.  Hopefully you will never get into a situation like this again.  I don't know how you ended up with roommates like this, you didn't say.  If you were desperate at the time, I hope it doesn't happen again.  You have a choice about who you associate with.  Why associate with people like this?

I hope you can put it behind you and move on, and not repeat the dynamics.

All the best,
Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc