Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 3/31/2009

Question
QUESTION: why do this always happen..
i see a guy i'm completely attracted to and we're like eyes locked with eachother(checking eachother out on first sight)
but he never talks to me!
even when i'm showing interest later and telling his friends how cute he is or asking about him
when he sees me
he just acts a little surprised and doesn't even try to talk to me
why doesn't he just come talk to me?
i know you might think it's just my imagination that he's giving my eye contact and stuff but here's how it happens
i look at him, i couldn't get a clear look of him but i think he's cute so i kept looking(checking out) until i noticed he's doing the same thing
ok second time we saw eachother, i didn't look at him as much but i do catch him looking at me at times when our eyes accidentally meet.
WHY DOESN'T HE APPROACH ME?!?!
i don't want to make the first move.. since i don't know what to say to him and i don't know if he'll want to talk to me but hey i'm like totally putting myself out there because he and his friends know i like him

ANSWER: There is one who will approach you - for all the ones who don't. If he doesn't, it's because he doesn't want to, and you have to accept it at that.  

You are correct in letting the man make the first move.  In flirting, it is more effective to catch his eye then look down, kind of coy.  An intense stare signals "intimidation" to men, because they are naturally competitive.  

If he and his friends know you like him, and he isn't approaching you, that's sign enough that he is not interested.  Sad but true.  

If you think back, there may be men you couldn't keep your eyes off that - for many reasons - you would not want to date.  Maybe you were in love with another man, or knew this man was hot but not the marryhing type, or you were simply fascinated with something about him visually.  

It is what he is.  He doesn't approach you because he does not want to.  Accept these things, so that you don't waste your time and fantasies.  

All the best,
Susan Dunn



---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: well is there anything i can do to have him take a little interest in me?
i just found out he have a kid, a little girl or a baby girl. does that make any difference in a guy?
i think he pass her back and forth with her mother though.

Answer
Dear Lucy,

I don't know the full circumstances, but here are some tricks.

1.  Disappear.  Men fall in love in the spaces.  Go away for a while, or don't show up, so he doesn't get to see you.  No phone, txt either of course.  During that time get yourself in shape - best hair, etc, you can and get a smashing outfit.  Then when you DO show up, it could be like a new start.  

2.  When you do, talk to him, giggle, flirt, but also touch him, like on the arm.  Men are very basic.  Sometimes a touch gets to them.  Mind you, nothing heavy or tacky.  Be subtle.

3.  Then disappear again and see if he comes after you.

4. Whatever you do, do NOT pursue him.  That won't work.  All you can do is hope.

5.   If he's got a kid already (how old are you?) I'd be wary of him for the long-term anyway. Maybe not a good risk for that.

Hope something works.  I'm on your side.

Susan