Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 5/20/2009

Question
QUESTION: Hi Dennis,

There is a fat ugly girl at my school, who is very loud, obnoxious, mean, and very bitchy. She is somewhat of a bully as well. She burps and farts constantly and picks fights with people all the time. Sounds like a great catch.

She constantly finds faults with others, picks on other people, ridicules them, and is generally a nasty person. She has already picked about 12 fights with me, and I have only talked to her like 3 times in my life.

Yet she dates the hottest, smartest, richest men. I think she is nice to them, but nasty to everyone else.

No one can stand her. The women don't like her. So I talked to the men. All the guys at my school hate her guts as well, so its not just female catty jealousy thing that I thought initially. NO ONE CAN STAND HER.

Even the professors walk the opposite direction when they see her coming! HAHAHAHA That's pretty bad!

But she still gets the most desirable men. And keeps them interested, for quite some time. ( A few of them have ended up cheating on her I should tell you )

Perhaps she is good in bed, I am guessing. But at some point, some guy is going to get tired of her bitchiness.

Why does this phenomenon occur? These chicks get all the men.

ANSWER: Hello Ana!

Many times this sort of boldness is there to mask other insecurities. However, the boldness itself allows her to approach these guys, make her case and give them exactly what they want to get what she wants.

Regardless of what she is personally, I think every woman could take important lessons from her. She's a salesperson and knows the key to getting these men to chase her. Trust me on this: it is NOT all the dumb "girl games" you women continue to play and actually THINK work. I spend the majority of my time answering these questions for you girls and trying to correct all this incredible misinformation you have about guys!

The bottom line is this: she knows what men want and simply gives that to them in large amounts. It's an incredibly simple formula, but you girls seem to want to make things way too hard for yourselves.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I guess this is the female analogy to a "bad boy"

So what's the secret. She boldly approaches men and gives them sex up front? So it keeps the men around for a long time. And if they dump her when they finally realize she's a real bitch and can't take it anymore, she just *shrugs* it off and finds a new man?

I'm curious how these ladies work.

I should note, even if men stay with her, because of her horrible attitude and bitchiness, it drives them to cheat on her with nicer, prettier women.

Answer
Hello again Ana!

Actually, you're not too far off here.

Here's what she knows that most women don't:

1) She knows how to approach guys. Almost every other woman is terrified of doing this thinking that she'll get rejected. The bitch doesn't get rejected often (if ever) simply because men rarely do this.

2) When she approaches them she knows how to turn on the sexuality. She understands that men aren't as subtle as women so they need bigger examples to "catch on". This tells the guys that she's a potential sex partner (giving them what she knows they want) and setting herself up to get what she wants.

3) She's not afraid of looking "desperate" or "over eager" in guys eyes like almost every other woman out there. She knows that guys don't think this way - that they actually see her as strategic, interested and available instead. She doesn't send mixed-messages thinking that by confusing guys, she's creating attraction in them. In fact, this does exactly the opposite - it KILLS attraction in most guys! Thus, she pursues, but she does it without being aggressive about it. When the guys call, she always answers the phone. She returns phone calls promptly and continues to be engaging and to deliver her message. She even helps the guys set-up dates so that she has another chance to "sell them" in person.

4) She doesn't play other dumb games like canceling the date at the last minute for no good reason or not returning phone calls or returning voice mails with texts or email, etc. She knows better - that this works entirely against her own goals.

5) She gets to the sex early on. She knows that by getting sex out of the way, she's now open to get what she wants - the emotional connection. She knows that the way to a man's heart is NOT through his stomach at all.

6) She spends a great deal of time learning how to be a powerful sexual partner! She knows this doesn't make her a slut at all, it makes her "skilled". She hasn't relied on the guys she dates to "open all her sexual doors" at all - she's been active and involved in learning her skills - and returning them to the men she dates.

7) As bitchy as she is to everyone else, she realizes that this doesn't work in the long term, and is likely very sweet and loving to her partner. Of course, you rarely get to see this because she keeps it just between her and her man. That's a far smaller investment than having to make it look otherwise!

8) She works to discover what her man wants - not what she THINKS he wants but what he REALLY wants by talking to him and then really understanding the answers he gives. Then she questions the WHY of the answers and gets deep down into the psychology of why he wants and needs these things.

9) Then she continues to become the woman he tells her he wants and needs, until ...

10) The guy falls in love with this unattractive, bitchy woman that you see.

...and probably 1001 other things.

I think you get the point here. There's nothing magical about what she's doing. She's simply doing all the things that most women don't do because they worry far too much about the games, looking desperate, etc.

So, let me ask you a [rhetorical] question: which girl is the clueless one? The pretty, sweet, game-player that listens to all the so-called "experts" in women's magazines and even right here on this very board that tell you girls you have to play these games, or this, homely, bitchy, nasty - yet successful - girl?

Yes, eventually, these guys begin to wake up and see what they've got because all their friends begin to shun him - and her. That's the [only?] mistake she's making - not engaging the friends, family members, co-workers, etc. If she ever learns that piece of the puzzle, she's going to be a terrible force for the rest of you girls to have to compete against!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"