Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 5/18/2009

Question
QUESTION: Hello...I've been married 10 years, and then 20 years to the same type of men...who put their career above me.....
Here is a bio/video etc of me....Tell me what I should be looking for to be happy..Thank You..

Hi... see me and hear me sing here...gives you a true picture of my vibe
http://www.singsnap.com/snap/watchandlisten/play/c410f3957

I am an affectionate, romantic person who writes romantic and funny rhymes such as "intimate talk as we cuddle and walk" "an enchanted place is your embrace" and "your love is like an earthquake, leaving me 'all shook up'.  I love to kiss, hold hands, hug etc. I am kind and loyal.  I do talk a lot, but I can also spend VAST amounts of time alone being creative in my room.  I have a lot of energy and I am happy.
I also write children's stories and songs and have CDs and books out. I love children's movies.  I am a ventriloquist with my owl, Hootie. I am planning to DVD and CD that and sell it.

I have a publisher, who has distributed my music gig book worldwide. The book is tells how to start and run a band.  I have been a booking agent and singer in my oldies band, THE BABYBOOMERS for 8 years.
No, I am not rich or famous but very satisfied with my creative life.  It's in the creating that the joy emerges.  I also am learning piano and guitar.  I like to dance
My music is normally childlike, happy and adults and kids both love it.  Sometimes I write in a jazzy style.
I have had some musical success in my life (my music bio is below)

Basically, I get up and I meditate. I eat vegetarian food.  I swim 2x a day and I do tai-chi type exercises.  My church is the Self Realization Fellowship. org that I have been in for 34 years.  I then meditate at night again.

During the day I work as a tutor. I hold a Vocational Teaching Degree to teach office/computers.
When I get home, I delve into writing my factual books, or stories, rhymes, poems, and music plus the lyrics and these interests below here.  
As you can see, being creative is a HUGE part of my life.....I am also learning photography, Computer Art, crafts, and would love to learn Spanish, French and Italian.  I want to travel. My goals would be to go to spiritual places where saints have been......and also to visit..GREECE, EYGPT, ENGLAND, FRANCE, ITALY,..and possibly ...(India, Ireland, Scotland, Switzerland, Holland, Japan and China) I also want to learn about communicating with plants and animals.  I love the beach. I need to get my sunshine daily as well.  I love to play board games, (Risk, Monopoly etc), and love to shoot pool and do pingpong.

I have taken a real estate course and passed it and may get my license.

I have taken a massage class. I go to acupuncturists and holistic doctors.

BASICALLY this is how I live my live.....I attend my church (SelfRealizationFellowship) and also Unity and Religious Science during the week and on Sundays.

I love to go to movies, watch videos, go out to eat, and LOVE to karoake. My band still plays out as well....We do mostly oldies music but I do add some of my original music as well.

I usually go to sleep around 10pm and get up around 6am...I am not a night owl.

So truly this is who I am and how I live my life...I doubt there would be any major changes.....except to make take everything I now do and make it even better....
If I can find a partner who can vibe to me and all I do, and enhance it...and add to it....and also maybe teach me a thing or two about something new, that would be great.
I do not drink, smoke, take drugs, lie or cheat in any way.

Did I mention I love Native Americans, astrology, numerology and such.  Well, I do.
I love romantic comedies and children's movies. (no thrillers, murders or anything).....I do love Twilight Zones and I Love Lucy...



HERE IS MY MUSIC BIO:


SONGWRITER SUCCESSES

TELEVISION:  January 2000 - wrote the music for the TV show “Fishing the Emerald Coast” episodes and theme song. January 2000

VIDEO COMPANIES:  August/September 1999
House of Onyx:  worldwide jewelry company video accepted these tunes for their video distribution (“We Will Meet Again,” “Always Spring”)
MGI Software Canada:  accepted the tunes for their video (“You’re Gonna Be Happy,” “What Will I be When I Grow Up Someday.”

2006 – Telephone Music Broadcasts – Original Music we wrote picked up by Advertel, PA, to be used for ‘on hold’ musical telephone broadcasts worldwide.


MUSIC PUBLISHERS
(3) music publishers picked up my songs
Simply Grand, DSM, WOODRICH, 1996-1997


CD ROM COMPANIES

Precious Angel Productions: accepted children’s songs, July 1999
Arizona Mac User’s Group: accepted the jazz tunes, 1992
Simple Star Productions: chose the song “The Fourth of July Song”  2001


RADIO AIRPLAY
Radio Stations that have played my tunes

KSPC played the jazz tunes 1997-2000+
Btsradio.com played “We Will Meet Again,” “Paradise Island,” “Ceremony,” “The Valentine’s Day Song,” “The Waterway.” August 1999 +
Xeradio.com played “The Valentine’s Day Song,” “The Key to Your Heart,” “Making the World a Better Place to Be.” July 1999+
Thestreamradio.com airplayed all the tunes November 1999+

NEWSPAPER – FRONT PAGE COVERAGE
My original jazz band and interview
Antelope Valley Press April 2001
More Coverage in Prime Desert Woodland Newsletter, April 2004


EDWARD’S AIRFORCE BASE
Chose  rendition of “Yesterday” for performance by me at the service.  August 2001


ST. MADELINE’S HIGH SCHOOL
Chose original tune of “Making God Famous” to be the school’s theme song for all to learn.  March 1997

CHRISTIAN MUSIC PROJECT
Chose “Pontius Pilate’s Decision” song for their CD compliation.

BOOK PUBLISHING DEAL WITH CD TO SELL WITH BOOK
The Taylor’s are authors of the book “Band-Aide.”  Books sold through the website of

MP3.COM
This site used to be the biggest and best music site around. (next page see)

1999 – These Songswere chosen as the BEST of 1999
“Good Morning” (kids)…and “We Will Meet Again” (jazz)

MP3.COM – FRONT PAGE WEBSITE INTERVIEW – November 11, 1999
featured with major interview on the front page of the webiste.

MP3.com GREETING CARDS

had these songs chosen for the MP3.com Greeting Card line.
“The Valentine’s Day Song,” “Everyone Know’s it’s Christmas”  1999



ANSWER: Well, this is difficult to address. Usually opposites attract.  It sounds like because these men put their career "before you," they earn the money and you have been free to pursue these wonderful interests.  Which you can do when you don't have to focus on bringing home the bacon.  You have a lot of freedom here to be creative.

Be careful in not just seeking "the opposite" of what you have.  Some of them men who are most romantic, and who put the relationship first (and only), make good romances, good affairs, but not good husbands.  Who's making the money that pays for the house?  The food?

If you are truly miserable, then you will make some changes, I'm sure  Just don't fail to see the good in what you get in what you have now.  There are a lot of women who have to work, who would LOVE to be able to take yoga classes, write, paint, and sing all day.  And they cannot.  

There is no single person that can meet "the needs" of any other given person.  That is why we have friends and family.  If you want someone who is more romantic and more interested in that sort of relationship, you will have to set out looking, but take care of your marriage first.  Make sure you appreciate the good in it (I don't know these things from what you write), and that you aren't "throwing the baby out with the bath water").  Don't toss off a marriage until you are sure it can't work for you.  Then do the right thing - end the marriage honorably, and then ... well, then you will likely have to get a job and support yourself.  So talk to a lawyer and find out what a divorce will mean to you personally.  Lawyers are confidential.  But you need to get some information.  

Have you had counseling?  Have you attempted to work on your marriage?  Had you made any effort to work with this man you are married to to see if he would be willing to make any changes, learn some new ways ... that sort of thing.  

Anyone in your situation would wish someone would come along and sweep you off your feet and then marry you and take over the provider role ... and this is not likely to happen.  It does happen, but more often it does not happen.  So take a close look, think about this, explore possibilities and have a plan.  You must be prepared to live single for a while, and that means needing to support yourself.

If I've missed a cue and you have a paid-job, etc. then that will just make a transition easier.  If not, you'd better look into that.  It's an important thing to be able to do, to support yourself.   

Meanwhile, I wish you the best with your endeavors.

Susan Dunn, M.A.
www.susandunn.cc  





---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Good point that some romantic men make great affairs but terrible husbands.....very true......My marriage ended in October and I did meet a man who was romantic but terrible in other areas....
So now I sit alone....which is fine..I guess...but to tell you the truth...the happiest I have ever been was with the man who was romantic...kind and such, who had a hard time holding a job
I was.......more happier than the husband who held the job and verbally abused me all day....
so hey...I gotta go where I am wanted....and as much as I tried to please the hardworking husband, and promote HIS music as well, he just was never satisfied with me.....totally put me down..it was horrid to the max.
....I sleep much better without him..
....The romantic man was sooooooooooooo ANGELIC...but had major problems in other areas..but my heart was with him....
so anyway..I am on the quest and I swear Jesus Christ will come through for me because that is what it is gonna take.....
If you have more to add.I am here...Angie
....

Answer
Hi dear,

My heart goes out to you.  Just keep in mind how I would be able to 'guess' so much of this.

It's up to you.  One must carve one's own path.  

Generally speaking, a middle ground usually works best.  A man who pays attention to the relationship, and also to the other essential parts of life.  Just like you do!

I wish you the best,
Susan