Expert: Rhapsody Love - 6/14/2009

Question
I am 41 and seem to have a big problem with men...I just don't meet any! I was married when I was younger but got divorced after only a few years because he cheated on me. Then throughout my 20's and half way through my 30's I seemed to always be dating or in a relationship...none of them ever worked out.  Now at my age (and haven't dated in years) I just don't know how to meet men...or where to meet them. I would love to find mr. right and get married; I am not looking to be a player. I am overweight and despise that I am (it's not like I am 500 pounds, more like 200) and I feel that this is really suppressing me. How do I get past this and really put myself out there? Are men just not attracted to overweight women? Where do you go to meet men (please don't say at a bar or church)?

Answer
Tricia,

I wouldn't suggest a bar - the guys most likely to be interested in a serious, lifelong relationship probably wouldn't hang out at a bar.

I know over-weight women who have successfully found a man. They usually have found each other through a shared interest or friend or at work. They've often gotten to know each other well before having a real date.

There are many possible places to find a date. I would recommend clubs (I mean book clubs or political clubs or something like that - see MeetUp.com), other types of hobbies, and recreational activities (bowling, golf). It's good to have something in common with a man. If you're out doing things where you can meet people of like interests, that can help.

Don't be afraid to let people know you're looking, though you might not want to do so aggressively - just hint at it or you could say, "do you know any unattached guys I might like and/or who might like me?"

If you don't like to ask a guy out directly, try to get into a conversation and mention something you have in common with the guy or something you know about him and then maybe find out what music or movies he likes and say you're planning to go to something you think he might like and ask if he'd like to join you.

I have friends who found guys in their 40's & even 50's through the internet or a dating service and it worked out well. Just meet at a public place, be careful not to share where you live until you think you can trust him, and try not to be too suspicious. Since you have had bad relationships, it might be hard for you to trust, but you need to hide (or put aside) your feelings of distrust and try to get to know someone in a casual and friendly way that will help you to trust him so you can have an honest and open relationship. It might take a little while for you to find the right man for you and to make it work, but if you really want to make it work & find someone else who wants that, too, then you can make it happen.

It can take some patience, but I believe you will find him and make it work out. Good luck!

- Joyce