Expert: Rhapsody Love - 6/12/2009

Question
I just went through my first breakup (I’m 19). It sucks, but I know it’s for the best. The thing that stresses me out the most is the fact that I can’t help but think that a relationship is never going to happen for me again. Prior to college, no boy had ever showed any interest in me. Two boys asked me out during first semester, one of which became my best friend (JD) and the other became my boyfriend (Adam). I have it in my mind that those were just flukes…
After summer, when I start school again, I am very excited to start dating again: I really liked being in a relationship. But the only two boys that ever showed interest in me were such odd circumstances. JD and I had a freakishly amazing connection. We’re going to be best friends forever.  Adam only became interested in me after seeing me do a sexy dance number in a musical review. Both are things that don’t just happen every day. So, I can’t help but think that I don’t know how to get a boy, unless I’m doing a sexy chair dance, which just doesn’t happen in everyday life. I can be kind of shy and awkward, so it’s all just very intimidating. I guess I just need advice on how to meet guys and get them interested. I don’t think I’m unattractive… I just, as my whole life has told me, excluding my first semester of college, don’t seem to be the kind of girls that guys ask out.  

Answer
Sorry your message must have gotten lost - I'm just noticing it.

There are many possible places to find a date. I would recommend clubs, other types of hobbies, and recreational activities. It's good to have something in common with your boyfriend. If you're out doing things where you can meet people of like interests, that can help.

Don't be afraid to let people know you're looking, though you might not want to do so aggressively - just hint at it or you could say, "do you know any unattached guys I might like and/or who might like me?"

I understand feeling shy, etc., but think to yourself "what is the worst that could happen if I say...?" (the worst is not likely to happen and it's possible something better will) If you don't like to ask a guy out directly, try to get into a conversation and mention something you have in common with the guy or something you know about him and then maybe find out what music or movies he likes and say you're planning to go to something you think he might like and ask if he'd like to join you.

It can take some patience to find the right somebody, but I believe you will find him. Good luck!

- Joyce