Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 6/11/2009

Question
hey,
my name is natalie and i am sixteen years old in my first year of university. i chose to speak toyou because you are a female like me and would feel me more than tha males.
  i have a problem with meeting people i like. its like it never happens for me. i never meet anyone i can say i will stay with under any conditons. yes, i have had emotional flings in my life a lot of times, infact, i think i just came out from one.
  i have had only one boyfriend before in my life and at the beginning i didnt really like him even though he really liked me then. he was not fine and so i wasnt really attracted to him but over the months, i feel in love with his personality not him. he was so good inside but outside he was a loud boy that everyone thought was always drunk and smoking and living his life like he didnt care about anything.
  later, the tabels turned, i was the one who wanted to spend more time with him and instead, he picked his friends over me. he said he loved me and still wanted to stay with me every minute of his life, i believed him then and i still do but the problems startes from his words. though i knew he really did love me, he said it times without number but he never did anything to prove it. i was ashamed of him but i stayed with him coz i liked his personality too much. all my friends even insulted him and asked me wt i found attractive in him.
   we started having problems as i wanted him to treat me like his girlfriend and not someone that he could allocate free time to. but it never worked, and whenever he came he came for a little of any hanky panky that he could get because i believe in virginity till marriage.
  today we had a last breakup and it didnt go quite so well, i wanted to talk to him to make him explain himself to me but instead he didnt want to see me, didnt call me. he called my friend to give me my stuff back, he didnt even come to get his things from my apartment.
   i feel like crap. all mu friends that i ditched because of him have moved on and are so happy with mates that they wouldnt trade it for anything. i feel lonely like there's a hole in me. i never loved him for once but i loved his company. every bit of it. he listend to me even when i said stupid things and he always commented when i wanted him to. i dont have girlfriends so he even became my bestfriend. i just hate having to be all alone now with the person i gave up everything for, turning his back at me.
   i want to find someone that is worth it. i do not have anyone yet in mind and i hope its not from my school because all the boys in my school are just after sex and nothing more. and i dnt mean i am judging a book by its cover, i mean it in every sense or the few that are not will get too bored of my dreams and fantasies and use it to insult me one day or maybe they would be ugly.
  i know this sounds very immature but i guess i need help if not i need something creative to do to get me someone that i would like and would like me too and would be willing to spend everyminute with me and every dime.
sorry for writing too long, i just wanted you to get the whole point to my depression.

Answer
Dear Natalie,

I am sorry this has happened to you.

You are very young - TOO young - to be finding your partner for life already.  It's time for you to be doing what you are doing - dating, seeing what you like and don't like, finding out what men are like at first -- and then later on.  

Where did you meet this guy?  He was not from your school?

I find it hard to believe that "every" man ANYWHERE is the same, in other words, I bet there are some neat guys at your school.  But when you have a breakup like this, you can get kind of negative for a while.  It takes a while to get over.  

Busy yourself, concentrate on what was bad about the relationship (not what was good, that will just make you sadder) and let time pass for you to move on.  When your smile comes back, I bet the guys will look different.

Of course if you are really depressed you should see a counselor there, or therapist.  

The saying "you have to kiss a lot of frogs" is not just a made-up thing, it is true.  None of them work out, none of the is right ... until the right one comes along.

If you would like some dating coaching - some tips on where to go to meet guys, let me know (sdunn@susandunn.cc) and we'll do some coaching.    

Let me know how it goes,
Susan Dunn, M.A.