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How to Attract the Man of Your Dreams/Dating material
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Question
I have a very good male friend whom I've known about a year and am currently roommates with. I know his good and bad sides and I have very strong feelings for him. At the beginning we did sleep together a few times, but now our friendship is purely platonic. He's had about 20 girlfriends in the past (he's 27) and gets bored easily, says he doesn't want a relationship and would make a horrible boyfriend. He hasn't had a girlfriend in over a year. He knows I have strong feelings for him and he says that he loves me too, but as a friend. He also says there is nothing specific about me which makes me non-girlfriend material. My question is whether there is anything I can do to help "assist" him in seeing me as a potential girlfriend rather than just friends? He is a good friend and I enjoy our friendship, so I don't want to just walk away and say that I either want him as a boyfriend or not at all, but I would be willing to risk our friendship to have a relationship with him - if it then doesn't work out and he doesn't want to continue being friends, so be it.
Dear Melanie,
I'm going to be blunt about this, since I don't want you to get into the habit of wasting your own time and causing yourself misery. THIS MAN WOULD MAKE A HORRIBLE BOYFRIEND.
It has been said (and I believe it is true) that "men don't fool women, they just don't listen."
When a man says he would make a horrible boyfriend, believe him and move on. RUN, don't walk.
IF you fall for that line and think you can change him, or that he is wrong about what he says, and proceed, you give the man carte blanche to treat you terribly. To use you and move on. After all, he is thinking, I WARNED HER. She came ahead, so she doesn't care.
When a man says something like that hear it. And don't spend a lot of time trying to figure out "why." That's a waste of time. You can enjoy the friendship, but please avoid considering it a 'contest' or something. It's hard to move "strong feelings," but I suggest that you start working on letting go of this guy as any sort of potential for a relationship. HE WOULD MAKE A HORRIBLE BOYFRIEND.
All the best,
Susan Dunn, M.A.
For dating coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .
Check out the blog: http://improveyoureq.blogspot.com
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| Rating(1-10) | Knowledgeability = 10 | Clarity of Response = 10 | Politeness = 10 |
| Comment | Susan, I want to thank you so much! I have been struggling with this a while now, talked to friends, but NO ONE told me to simply take his word. It's true, so simple and I don't know why I didn't - he respected me enough to tell me he would be a horrible boyfriend, his track record shows it - he would be a terrible boyfriend. I can basically thank him for being honest enough to tell me. I assume this means he values our friendship that much, which is a great feeling. I know I can't stop my feelings toward him immediately, but I already feel freer and ready to move on. I can't thank you enough! | ||
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Answers by Expert:
Susan Dunn, Dating Coach
Expertise
I can answer any questions regarding attracting the man of your dreams including preparing yourself, letting it happen, The Rules that work and the rules that don't, meeting him, the first date, the dating relationship, recreating a failing relationship, how to tell if he's serious or not, how to get him to marry you not just date you, romance, everything. I coach clients how to do it step-by-step, and walk them through the process. I've talked with thousands of women ... let me help YOU.
Experience
I have had years of experience coaching women on how to meet and marry the man of their dreams. How to catch him and keep him! Also how to get him back when he runs away, or how to get him to marry you when he's committment-shy.
Organizations
Founding member of CoachVille and member of original R&D team. Former Board member and former Board chair for numerous local organizations.
Publications
I am widely published on the Internet on subjects related to dating, romance and marriage, as well as other lifeskills topics. (It isn't just about "dating," it's about YOU.) I'm rated A-plus on ideamarketers, and my articles regularly appear on websites around the world.
Education/Credentials
MA in Clinical Psychology.
Awards and Honors
I have an international coaching and consulting practice, I train and certify other coaches worldwide, and have been a regular presenter for the cruise lines.
Past/Present Clients
I have helped many, many women find the man of their dreams - and keep him.
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