Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 7/8/2009

Question
I need some advice. This keeps happening to me.

99% of the people I meet are totally nice to me. but there is that 1% that is not going to like you no matter what you do.

There's not much you can do for your haters, just limit interaction somehow.

When a whole group of people hates your guts, really resents you for something, they all start screaming at you, how do you handle it?

Let's say you are sitting at dinner with a group of people. Possibly coworkers, classmates from school, roommates etc.

People that you can't avoid. People that you HAVE to spend hours every day with.

You have always been nice and friendly to these people, but for some reason, they really HATE you, and they are extremely angry and resent you for something. You try to talk to them but they just snap at you or they don't want to discuss the situation.

Let's say all of them start attacking you, screaming at you, shooting down your ideas, and eventually plain ignoring you and leaving you out of their group in the future. Sort of bullying, in a way.

One thing you could do is just leave the situation.

But sometimes it is not possible to leave right away, such as a job etc.

No one else has a problem with you, you are an extremely friendly person, but this whole particular group of people that you can't avoid hates your guts and attacks you constantly.

How do you handle this situation if you are stuck with them? at least for quite a while?

thanks

Answer
Dear Rhianna,

Well, there isn't much you can do except put up a plexiglas shield and get through it.  Laugh when they laugh, don't start conversation, be neutral and pleasant, breathe deeply, and realize "an hour is just 60 minutes."

This happens in offices, families, etc.  Someone becomes the scapegoat.  If you want to read my ebook on bullying and mobbing, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc so you'll understand the process more.  It sounds like you have this happen rarely, and it's too bad you can't leave.  If you can't, then just ignore it as best you can, say mantras, meditate, study coping skills -- and be looking for another job.

If you are in this situation, you have my sympathy.  It's too bad people behave this way, and sometimes they behave worse in a group.  It happens.  

All the best,
Susan Dunn, M.A.