Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 7/22/2009

Question
QUESTION: Hi; I asked a question a few months ago under a different name, and I wanted to get more help. The guy I like and I have been apart for summer break, but we'll be seeing each other again in a month when we get back to college. I followed your advice and didn't talk to him unless he started talking to me first. We've had a few good conversations online since then. He's told me many times that he considers me a good friend. Last winter, we argued once, and he wouldn't speak to me for a few weeks after that...but he eventually broke down and apologized to me, saying that he couldn't go without or friendship. What I want to know is...when we get back, how do I start over to help him become interested in me? How can I help him to think of me as a girlfriend instead of a friend? He already likes me a lot as a friend...how much more will it take for him to progress to the next step? Thanks.

ANSWER: Dear Kani,

If the chemistry is there, I don't know what you can to do convert it.  To wait and see, when you get back to school, don't be palsy-walsy, hangy-out, available, one-of-the-guys type girl FRIEND.  Be a bit more distant, not available to "just go hang out" at the last minute, slap on the back, run around without your shirt on type of thing.  In other words, DON'T ACT LIKE A BUDDY.  That's being like a guy, only you're really a girl.

Be like a girl, like a lady, and see what happens.  If you change the way you ACT just enough, he might take a second look.  This includes keeping your hands to yourself, and keeping his hands off you.  Don't answer his txt right away - don't do ANY of the things you would do with a buddy.

Guys don't treat women they love, like BUDDIES.

Let m,e know how it goes,
Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc
sdunn@susandunn.cc
DATING COACH BLOG:  http://datingcoachblog.blogspot.com

Dating coaching, emotional intelligence, transitions, career, school, parenting, relationships.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: How can I be more distant without making him frustrated or making him think I don't enjoy being with him anymore?

Answer
Back off.  As in - slow it down --- it's up to the woman to pace it.  Don't answer right away.  Don't rush over.  Be busy, have a life.  And as to frustrating him -- is he not frustrating you right now?  It is up to the woman to control the pace of the relationship, and if you make it too easy, it isn't fun for the man.  The catch-phrase is "Easy to be with, hard to get."  

An example - don't answer a txt for several hours.  Be busy one time he asked you out (and don't give a reason, or say something like, 'I need to do my nails.')  Men fall in love in the spaces.  Don't make yourself so available.  

Susan