Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 8/11/2009

Question
Hello!

So I just started a new job as a host at an upscale restaurant, I am not planning on staying in this job terribly long, I am only doing it as a side thing until this Christmas, when I will go back to graduate school to finish the rest of my classes in January. (I'm saving up so I won't have to take out as much in student loans...etc etc)

I'm 27 years old. When I go back to school I will either quit or still work here but go down to part time. My managers said that was ok with them.

My first interview was with the manager, who was about 50 years old, married with kids etc, and then the second interview was with the assistant manager who was 29. When I saw him I almost fell out of my chair. He was a real handsome guy. (Not in a hot stud or jock way, more like little boy cute, a very sweet looking guy with razor sharp smart eyes)

He seemed very professional and courteous and serious. Very polite, respectful, and reserved. Surprising in this day and age. It is obvious he comes from a good family. He shook my hand in a sort of shy way with his eyes lowered. Anyway a couple days later he told me I had gotten the job. (I'm sure my being an attractive woman didn't hurt)

Three of us were hired for the job. So when we were going through training, the first day we were filling out paperwork. When we had to fill out our tax forms, there was one page where you have to mark whether you are single, married, or dependant, or had children. He was telling us how to fill it out, and when that page came up, he got out of his chair and looked over my shoulder to see if we were doing it right.... but... he ONLY got up on that question...and he ONLY looked at my sheet to see if I marked married or single. HA HA HA! That made me smile :)

The other two people hired are 18 years old. Most of the people who work in the restaurant are about 19 or so. I am 27 and he is 28.

He told us that they interviewed tons of people and that they get tons of applications. We were the only 3 hired.

Then he was joking with me a bit about my last name. And when we were all leaving he said bye to every body in our entire group but to me he said "bye Tina" and said it with my name in kind of a shy way with his eyes lowered.

From observing him he definitely does not seem like the flirty type. He is too serious and takes his job as an assistant manager seriously since it is a nice restaurant. I don't see him as a goofy, giggly sort of guy who's a practical joker. He seems VERY mature and serious. And very reserved.

So basically I am wondering, do you think he is attracted to me?

I saw he does not have a wedding ring, and he just moved to the area...and he seemed like he didn't have a girlfriend from the way he was acting around me (although....he could have one....and I'm sure I can't be the only girl in the restaurant who thinks he's hot...he is very handsome after all... and from his professional behavior and serious demeanor he seems like quite a catch, he's not an immature kid like a lot of guys are)

Believe me I did NOT plan on dating anyone at this restaurant. But this just happened suddenly and I can just tell that this guy is serious dating material, he's not just a "good time" or a "fling" type of guy. He's a serious, professional guy who is also a serious man outside of work.

How do I move things forward with him? How do I let him know that I am open to a relationship with him so that he doesn't worry about the whole workplace sexual harassment thing.

Oh, and as for the rest of the restaurant - everyone is professional but also chill and laid back and friendly since there is a full bar and their very own microbrewery here, it seems like no one would care one bit if we were dating.

I normally wouldn't be pursuing an assitant manager or a manager EVER - but I'm gonna leave in a few months anyway, plus this guy's good, serious dating material and I can't resist the opportunity to date a serious, stable, balanced, mature man who happens to be smart and handsome.

thanks,
tina

Answer
Dear Tina,
That's cute that you caught him doing that.  LOL.

Now, we gals don't EVER pursue.  That's up to the guy.  What strikes me here is that you say "but I'm gonna leave in a few months anyway..."  This sounds like you're looking for a safe bet, where neither one of you CAN get involved.  Is this your dating strategy at this point?  Be honest about that.  If all you want is a night in the sack, or a couple of nights, I have no advice about that.  If you are after something more lasting, you have per se said this isn't about that.

Self-awareness is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence.  Get to know yourself and why you do what you do, and what it is you're after. Then you'll recognize it in men as well.

Good luck!
Susan Dunn, M.A.
www.susandunn.cc