Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 9/14/2009

Question
QUESTION:
"I gotta know this guy through facebook. We chatted for a quite a while like few weeks, exchanged numbers. Met up once (no hanky panky). he msg me the next few days. met up for the the 2nd time @ his place. ended up having sex (not a really enjoyable one though for me and he knew about it). he sent me home. before i got off the car, he initiate a kiss on the lips. I thot everything was fine. we din msg each other e next day. after 2 days, i sent him a casual sms. he replied only like more than 5 hours later, saying he was busy at work. i din reply him but sent him a msn message later that night. 2 days later, i sent him a sms and the same thing happened. he only replied like 5 hours later... Today i sent him a sms and he had not replied at all. How do i know if he is not just into casual sex but is keen to start a r/s but is in the uncertainty stage and how should i go about handling this situation? Thank U!"

ANSWER: Hello Marilyn!

From all this messaging - you can't.

You two are trying to build a relationship via texting and emailing. No wonder you have no idea what he's thinking or what he wants!

Texting and emailing lets you extract out 100% if the very thing you need in order to build something - emotional content. Further, it's a filter. He doesn't feel compelled to deal with you and your needs or wants or anything because it's not you that's talking to him - it's a machine.

This is a very subtle but important point to understand. Subconsciously, he's not talking to you - he's talking to that machine. You are somewhere way over on the other end of it. Thus, he doesn't feel compelled to be quick to respond, let alone even polite or engaging or anything else "emotional".

If you want to continue to not know where he is or what he's feeling, just continue to use texting and email to try to build something with him. You'll lose him soon enough and then you can find someone else to not have a relationship with!

On the other hand, if you want something real with him, you're going to need to move this into the real world - and nothing short of that will give you the answers you want.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi Dr Dennis

Should i initiate a meet up with him? When we meet, how n what should i do/talk so that i know that the r/s ll lead to somewhere? I am soo scared of rejection but i badly want to know an answer.. it's driving me crazy.. awful!

Answer
Hello again Marilyn!

Yes, you need to meet him in person, but the new problem is that you're looking for the sure thing. That doesn't exist. If you aren't able to handle rejection, you shouldn't be looking for a relationship in the first place. There's no guarantees when it comes to being with someone. You simply have to step up and take your chances.

Now, with that said, you should realize that just like women, guys what someone in their lives that fulfills their personal needs. The problem however is that I don't know him in order to tell you what those needs are. You're going to have to find out from him.

When you do, simply become that woman.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"