Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 9/13/2009

Question
I` met my bf on net. he is in usa doinging job nd i m in india.we met 4 times in reall in hotel room but did not cross any limits. he is very mature and intelligent with good income, looks dont matter anyways.i love him a lot and he loves me too. we share a long distance relation nd spk 2 each other on yahoo chat almost everday except weekends and spk on phn once in a week. its all good. he is ready to marry me but its intercaste and i dout of my father agreeing and feel like one new relation is not worth if it takes away 21 yrs relationships of my parents nd relatives. he wants me to remove clothes on cam, and i dont feel comfortable with this and this makes him disapointed and not loved. but i tell him that i would give him all once he convinces my parents. he would come in this jan... and we would meet in some hotel room. i dont want anything too intimate to happen bcoz v r just wrking on marriage how do i avoid this. how do i avoid his demand 4r sex even after entring to hotel room..? and how do i make him feel attractive nd loved verbaly... plz help.

Answer
I know how hard this is.  First of all, it is inappropriate to be removing your clothes on cam.  Refuse to do it, and no explanation is necessary.  It is tricky to be meeting in hotel rooms ... I admire you for sticking to your guns here, and it is difficult because of the distance, and him having to stay in a hotel room.  You make him feel that you care about him by spending time with him, listening, relating and getting to know each other.  If he loves you, he can wait for sex.  Period.  You have to spend time because of the other things to be worked out, and because that is the only way you can tell about things in a relationship.  When YOU are ready for sex, is when it is right.  It is the woman who controls the pace of the relationship. Keep up the good work.  The thing is that going to his hotel room is frustrating to him, and in a sense "leading him on."  However, you have already done this.  However you have managed this before, keep doing it.  You are wise to be having the concerns that you are having, and to want to continue getting to know him and working out the big issue of the intercaste and your parents.  

If he's truly wanting to marry you, time is on your side.

All the best,
Susan Dunn, M.A.
www.susandunn.cc
sdunn@susandunn.cc