Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 9/13/2009

Question
helo. how are you. my name is grace, i,m a college sophmore(fashion student) i,m 18 going on 19 years old and i live in nyc. i,m a goofy, easy going sweet girl. i realized that i,m into older guy now. Early to late twenties. The clean cut looking guys with the nice shirts and the jeans or with the suits. i find that so irresistable. i,m basically into the wall street looking guys. lol. how do i attract and date one? i often see loads of this guys like on the train or the streets, when i look and dress nice they will stare(i don,t dress trashy lol) i realized they never come up to me. i feel like if i go up to one they might reject me or something. i,m a little intimidated by them. theres nothing more intimidating than approaching a guy in a suit. any advice on getting this guys to approach me or any tips for me to snatch one. i,m looking to have a serious relationship and i,m not the type to girl who wants to mess around. thanks. look forward to your reply.

Answer
Hello Grace!

Yes, I have a ton of ideas for you. Obviously, I can't go into them all right here via messaging - it would take me weeks. However, if you want to really learn how to approach these guys very easily (and safely!) take a look at my e-book, "How Women Can Approach Men" on my website (http://BeingAMan.com). In fact, you have some really incredible ways of breaking the ice and meeting these guys and they are extremely easy to use, non-threatening and don't make you look cheap or desperate. You'll learn not only how to approach guys but where to find them as well.

The first rule you need to know however is that you have to go where these guys hang out. One of the problems is that you're only 18. These guys often go out after work to the bars to unwind and that's a perfect place to meet them. Unfortunately, the drinking age in NYC is 21 so you have a few years before you can use that to your advantage.

The second problem you have is that most of these guys you see on trains and on the street are on their way to or from work - they aren't thinking about meeting a great chica like you. That means you're going to have to "alert them" to your presence! You know as well as I that when you're in a crowd, you don't tend to see individuals, you tend to see the crowd itself and faces simply blend in.

Thus, you have to stand out! One way is to dress a little more colorfully. Many businesspeople wear blacks and grays. By throwing in a splash of color here and there, you instantly use that drab background more as a canvas.

You also need to learn how to make eye contact and to smile. There's a very specific signal that some guys pick up on. Just be aware that many guys DON'T pick up on it however so don't be discouraged if it doesn't work for you right away. When you meet a guy's eyes, hold his gaze for just a little too long. Try to hold it for 2-3 seconds. That doesn't seem like a long time, but trust me, it is! Then, break the eye contact by looking down and then to the side. You might also find that you have to do this more than once to get someone's attention - especially in the city.

Another trick is the compliment. This is dating-death when guys use it, but it works pretty well when girls use it. For instance, you can compliment a man's tie or his choice of colors. When you do, make eye contact and smile and try to hold his gaze for just a few seconds. He'll likely thank you and sometimes will carry it from there.

One last point, the more subtle you are about these things, the more times you're going to have to try. Guys aren't subtle creatures. Many of these subtle flirting signals simply get lost because we don't pick them up. So, don't hesitate to make your gestures larger than you think you need to make them. This is a case where bigger is better.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"