Expert: Lanay Stockstill - 9/13/2009

Question
im going to try to make this as short as possible . i don't know if its fate or coincidence. I've been single for a lil over a month 4 days my ex told me he wasn't playing to get back with me & for me to move on . I swear not more then 10 Min's passed & i was signed onto my old sn that I haven't used in 3yrs . My 6th grade crush hit me up asking if i remembered him . I'm 20 years old now so I liked him about 10 years ago. We hit it off & he is the sweetest most adorable man I have met in my life. He always puts a smile on my face & doesn't have to try very hard. I think I'm falling for him in such a small amount of time. He feels the same. The only problem is hes in the army & he getting deployed next year. He says that he doesn't think its fair to me if he leaves me here waiting for him but I keep telling him that I don't care. He means A lot to me & I'm willing to do whatever I can to make him happy. He calls me his angel but hes really mine. IDK what to do. How can I make him see that I don't mind waiting for him to get back home cuz I know hell be back. What Do you guys think i should do? Please Help

Answer
Hi Elizabeth,

I'm sure it must be very hard to have such a connection and know that circumstance is causing a separation.  Since it has only been a short period of time, this may be a good time to slow things down.  A separation like that without a good foundation is very hard to do over distance and war.  I've seen married couples with years of bonding have a hard time with deployment.  He's being realistic about how hard it can be on a relationship.

That said, if he doesn't want you to wait, just enjoy getting to know him in the present without expectations.  With expectations comes pressure and he has enough pressure on him at the moment.  Believe me, he'll appreciate that.  

If he still doesn't want to pursue the relationship because of fear and worry, there is nothing you can do but accept that.  Your acceptance will speak volumes, and your willingness to take it or leave it will let him know that your happiness isn't dependent on him.  Guys tend to feel like they are letting you down if they think you depend on them too much.  

When he gets done with his tour, hopefully you'll maintain contact and will both be in a place to renew a relationship.  In the meantime, enjoy each other with the time you have and let the future unfold instead of trying to predict it.  You're both young, and while he is focused over there, you're job is to further and improve yourself here.  Do that and have a little faith that the relationship you want will find you when you're ready.  

I hope this helps,

Lanay Stockstill