Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 1/6/2010

Question
Hello,
         Well what I've been doing up to this point hasn't really been working for me. I don't attract guys that I'm attracted to. I'm an African American female about 5'10-11ish and I'm more attracted to I'd say the moderate action sports athlete just to give you a picture. I'm really open to anyone who makes me laugh and is atleast my height. The problem is I never know if this type of guy is attracted to me. Sure we flirt but they never make the move and I've been rejected all times in the past when I tried to. Granted that was in middle school but still, I give them enough indication. I've been single my whole life and I'll be turning 18 this year. I've never even been kissed to be honest. I've had the opportunity I guess but i've never dated anyone and I'm not really the type of girl who does things like that out of relationships. I've asked a question to one of the other experts and she told me to go the club. I didn't find that helpful at all. Is there some quality advice you could give me?

Answer
A man is not going to come and knock on your door.  That you must understand.  

Therefore, you must DO something.

I don't mean ask a guy out, I mean place yourself somewhere where the kind of men you like might be.

Many people I've coached found their man just doing what they like to do - church, athletic club, at the opera, at the library book club ... just doing what you enjoy doing.  After all, there will be the kind of man you like!  If you're the kind of gal who likes to spend Sunday afternoon reading in Barnes & Noble, you'd like the kind of guy who also does.  If you like a Redskin game ... he might be there in the stands near you.

AND most people say "no" to that.  Even though it happens.

The easiest is school.  Are you going to college?  If so, no problem.  You'll meet them there.  You might need some coaching on how to ACT - email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc if you can afford it, and, frankly, I would say that you can't NOT afford it.  This is an investment in your future.  If you haven't had a date yet and are 18, there are some rudimentary skills you haven't learned.  And they can be taught!  

Now, a venue I find quite attractive for meeting a mate is the Internet sites.  These are better for people like you who (for instance) don't like a kiss outside a relationship.  You have plenty of time to get to know the person online and more control over the situation.  There is a site for everything you are, and everything you want, from jdate, to millionairematch, to bigandbeautiful, cross cultural dating, to singles under 25, etc.  

Clubs would be the LAST thing I would try.  I mean go and have fun, but at clubs are are the most likely to meet "players" there, and other undesireables.  Plus with all the drinking, how can you tell what's going on and who really likes you or just wants a warm body to take home.

I hope these have been helpful.  The main thing is that you are going to have to make some effort.  I hope you will, including getting some coaching.

All the best,
Susan Dunn, MA
THE DATING COACH
www.susandunn.cc
sdunn@susandunn.cc