Expert: Rhapsody Love - 1/30/2010

Question
Before anything thank you for your time and help... We've been working together for two months. Were both in the Army. Hes an officer and I'm enlisted. So were not allowed to date. I've never had a problem attaining to this rule until I got to know him. The first couple of weeks I couldn't stand him. You see hes a Veterinarian and he had to euthanize a couple of puppies I had grown attached to but  as time passed I saw he wasn't the person I had imagined. Actually, It's just amazing the gentleness he has with animals. Over the pass few weeks I've been trying to get close to him but he confuses me. Most of the times when I go visit the office he'll come out of his office and stand by my side as I stand at the window to greet the dogs. We'll looked at each other and share smile and some casual conversation about the dogs. Or if one of the dogs is inside I'll usually sit on the ground and pet it and he'll sit next to me. And we'll just smile at each other. Of course if anyone starts watching us he'll get up and leave. Plus, the guys tease me that he never says no to me. Just on little things I might ask to do regarding the dogs. But on  the other hand he doesn't always say hi to me. Sometimes he'll just walk pass me. I also don't know anything about hi's private life. Except that you never see him out except in the cafeteria. He always sits with officers. Here were not allowed to leave base. Were overseas. It's a small post and were. About 600 including other nations. Were both 31 so we have some things in common like TV shows and the guys at work some times make comments that he's probably gay since they've never seen him dating anyone. I'm confused, I don't know what to do. He often goes away because of work and I think I'll get over him but it hasn't happened. I took the Keirsy personal profile and it says I'm an idealist and it described me excellently.

Thank You Again,
Janet

Answer
Janet,

Do other officers date even though you say they're not allowed to? Only do they only date other officers? I'm not sure if the problem is his adherence to rules. I'm not sure how officers & enlisted people in your situation get to be friends. Do you have recreational activities? Is it possible that someone you can ask him if he's "all work & no play" or if he participates in some recreation occasionally? Maybe you can ask him if he'll be at some recreational event? If you're not sure how to approach him to get to know him better and you know an enlisted person who is friends with officers, maybe you could ask that person how they do it? Once you're friends, you can get to know him better - about his family (married? engaged?) and if he's gay.

If you're friends first and then it looks like it's difficult to not be more than friends later, what are your options? Waiting until you're out of the service? Waiting until you're on leave and arranging to get leave at the same time? A plan for what to do would be helpful. Otherwise you're talking about "forbidden love".

I know it's hard to have feelings for someone and not able to do anything about it. As an Idealist, you'll probably want to pursue the course and figure out a way to do it.

Good luck!

- Joyce