Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 1/21/2010

Question
There is this guy that I like everything about him! His sense of humor, his kind heart, he is of course sexy, sensitive & honest! I never liked anyone like that but he keeps telling me that he doesn't love me that he is not interested in me! It hurts me a lot so I stop calling him! All of a sudden he calls 4 my Birthday or e-mails and wants me to call him & wants to see me?! Why does he want to be my friend! It's so confusing! HOW DO I HIDE MY FEELINGS WHEN I LOVE HIM SO MUCH? DO I KEEP BEING HIS FRIEND OR JUST IGNORE HIS CALLS AND EMAILS?!? PLEASE HELP ME, PLEASE! I need you guys! Give me a good advice! I can't & don't want to forget him!

Answer
Dear Mariana,

This sort of push-pull roller coaster ride is a nightmare.  I'm sorry this is happening to you.  trust me, after this one, you'll never get into one of these again.  WHATEVER his reasons, don't bother trying to figure out "why", this man is not emotionally available or mature enough to have a relationship of the sort you want.  Do you not feel tortured?  

Stop responding to him at all.  Do not return txt, email or phone calls.  You do not want to be his friend, is email penpal, his txt buddy ... do you?  So don't get into that.  Ignore him.  

If he is interested in dating you, he will then make a move - not saying right away, but eventually.  

The thing is, if you give in to this "here again gone again" he will end up with what he wants (and you don't need to spend any time or energy trying to figure out why - it's a waste of time), and YOU WILL NOT HAVE WHAT YOU WANT.

For more specific dating coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .


And don't take this personally or think you did anything wrong.  

All the best,
Susan Dunn, MA, QMHP
www.susandunn.cc
sdunn@susandunn.cc
THE DATING COACH