Expert: L.E. Coleman - 1/9/2010

Question
Hello,
         Well what I've been doing up to this point hasn't really been working for me. I don't attract guys that I'm attracted to. I'm an African American female about 5'10-11ish and I'm more attracted to I'd say the moderate action sports athlete just to give you a picture. I'm really open to anyone who makes me laugh and is atleast my height. The problem is I never know if this type of guy is attracted to me. Sure we flirt but they never make the move and I've been rejected all times in the past when I tried to. Granted that was in middle school but still, I give them enough indication. I've been single my whole life and I'll be turning 18 this year. I've never even been kissed to be honest. I've had the opportunity I guess but i've never dated anyone and I'm not really the type of girl who does things like that out of relationships. I've asked a question to one of the other experts and she told me to go the club. I didn't find that helpful at all. Is there some quality advice you could give me?

Answer
Hi Lisa.

Did you say, an expert told you to go to the club? Now,that's funny. lol.

Listen, the law of attraction says, like attracts like.  That is to say, the guys who are trying to knock on your door are the same guys who are picking up on your inner vibration. You and the guys you're attracting have to be a perfect match in order for them to seek you out in the first place.  I know this may be something you may not agree with, but look at it with an open mind. This means you are, in fact, attracting the kind of guys who are mirroring your inner vibration. This also means you do attract the kind of guys you are attracted to whether you believe or not.

What it all boils down to is this: you must examine your inner thoughts and the words you've been speaking. There's quite a bit of difference is saying, " I don't attract guys that I'm attracted to" than saying, "I'm attracting exactly the kind of man I've always dreamed of."  Do you see the difference? One statement focuses on what is and the other on what you really want. You must make sure your past rejections, coupled with with your self esteem issues, are not keeping you from getting what you want.  I think this is your problem.  

You say you want a man who makes you laugh but he has to be a certain height.  There's nothing wrong with preference, provided the preference is not because you'll feel awkward dating someone shorter than you.  That is to say, you have to make sure your preference is not based on how you two will look out in public. If this is the case, you're not ready to have a serious relationship with anybody because you're too concerned with how you'll look to other people.  In other words, what other people say or think is more important to you than having a man treat you with all the love and respect you can handle.  If love is truly what you want, do your inner work first.  Deal with the reasons why you feel the way you do about yourself. If you can narrow things down by dealing with yourself first, everything else will fall in place.  There is no rush.  If you want your soul mate to come into your life, prepare yourself through self examination. Why do you think you've been rejected all those times in the past?  Find this out.  How is the past rejection affecting you now? Find this out too.  Self-inquiry and self-examination is the key.  You must know everything you can know about yourself--the good and the bad.  Except yourself as you are and the man will except you as you are.  And if he doesn't, he's not THE ONE.

God bless, my sister

L.E.