Expert: Azure - 1/8/2010

Question
To give you a little incite on what is going on. I am 20. I broke up with my boyfriend 4 months ago because of us just not feeling anything out of the relationship anymore and ended it on mutual friendship. Well a month after that I was becoming really close friends with a guy friend of mine that I have known for a year and a half. He has helped me kinda figure out things and I have started doing things for myself now and learning how to make myself happy with things in my life. Well my friend "JD" who has been helping me with all this and has been there for me threw all that has been asking to hang out with me more that we used to. One of the nights we hung out I ended up sleeping over at his place and feelings took over and we ended up having sex. We ended up kinda dismissing it for a while and then he mentioned that since I didn't have a boyfriend that if I wanted someone to fulfill my sexual appetite that he would be there for me also. So for the past 3 months he and I have been having a friends with benefits type of relationship. Well recently I realized that I am starting to have deeper feelings for him than just the friends with benefits type of relationship that we are having. Threw this time with him helping me sort out my life we have found out so much about each other despite how personal and shy he generally is. I recently told him how I thought I was starting to have feelings for him. He said that he kinda thought I did all along, he said that he was glad that I finally spoke from my heart about something and that he appreciates me for telling him and being honest with him. He said that he had to be honest with me that he really wasn't looking for a relationship at the moment, but wouldn't mind keeping our friends with benefits, though he said if the "benefits" part was too much for me to handle without a relationship then we could just be friends again. I was fine not jumping into another relationship due to my recent one ending, I just kinda wanted something to evolve slightly and I was glad he finally knew. As time has gone on he has warned me not to get attached to him like that because he would only end up hurting me on that kind of level. I asked him what me meant by that. He told that he didn't like me like that and didn't want to hurt me by me becoming attached to him. Well as time has gone on I have become more and more attached to him. Well recently he has stopped talking to me out of the blue and hasn't asked me to come over anymore. I have tried contacting him threw texts and our IM accounts because he travels so much for work so that is the easiest way to get a hold of him, yet he hasn't responded. I only sent him a text or two and didn't want to bombard him. But I am wondering if I could ever mean more to him? I don't know how to get a hold of him like this and we haven't recently hung out like friends anymore. Even if this could never become more I don't want to lose a friend out of it. I just don't know how I should deal with it and what to say to him and how to bring it up?

Answer
unfortunately kayla, no happy ending here; the guy gets credit for attempting to be honest--he essentially told you he saw this as a casual sexual arrangement (every guy's dream), and you offered it up for just a label of "friendship"; still, with all the warning signs in place, you let your emotions get you too involved, and then made the fatal mistake of thinking this guy ever really wanted more..friendships rarely turn into more..bottom line--it's over--but if you take away the lesson that shared intimacy without MUTUAL emotional imput, is usually a bad decision, you'll at least come away with SOMETHING..