Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 1/25/2010

Question
Hi Dennis,

I'm a 29 year old woman (straight) and I haven't had a boyfriend for a looooooong time... certainly I have gotten plenty of offers from men... but they're either way too young for me (18-21 year old range) or they've got some sort of serious flaw... such as being psycho and having anger control issues... lmao.

Anyway, so lately I've been watching porn everyday (but only for 5 minutes or so) I have an orgasm almost immediately, within a few minutes, but I don't use my finger, I'm not even touching myself, I just have one right away and I go all over my underwear.

Does this still count as masturbation? Even if I'm not touching myself?

Or am I just getting aroused...

I'm not really into sex toys, vibrators, fingering that much...never really liked it much...just looking at porn for a few minutes gets me my little orgasm, and I'm done.

NOTHING else gets me to orgasm.

Also, most women need clitoral stimulation to get aroused. For some weird reason, that has NEVER gotten me to orgasm.

Nothing works on me... except porn.

Why is this?

Also, weird enough, I don't like straight porn most of the time because I find the actors either ugly, the porn is boring, or mainly funny at best. Guy/guy porn I find mainly funny. But for some weird reason girl/girl turns me on...

I know I'm not a lesbian by any means, but scientists say that straight women are generally only turned on by lesbian porn because that is the only kind of porn that is made where the woman is getting pleasured, so it's a mental connection. Whereas straight/gay porn has the man getting pleasured, so a woman cannot connect with that.

Also, I guess the women's bodies are cleaner/better looking than the male counterparts? In general guys in porn aren't beautiful/handsome while the women are. There are a few hunks, but most of the men are only hired because they have large, erect penises and not necessarily because of they have a pretty face (whereas that wouldn't matter with a woman, she just has to look good)

Interestingly enough, a really hot studly muscular guy touching his penis does excite me when there is no woman or other people involved in the picture...how weird huh?

I'm still learning a lot....... can you explain why all this stuff is happening to me?

When I like a guy though, the connection is mainly emotional... interestingly all this sexual stuff doesn't matter as much...

when i'm with a boyfriend, i still watch porn...but i could go without it...but when i don't have a man... i really need it.

so why is it that in between boyfriends all this sexual release stuff is happening with me? As far as I know, I'm not an overly sexual person, I'm just normal.

Answer
Hello Ana!

First of all, I'm very proud of you. This sort of response is actually based on tons of work you probably don't even know you've done. It's not that this isn't a natural response - it is entirely natural. But it reflects your own comfort and acceptance of your sexuality (something that few women posses) and you should be just as proud of yourself for it as I am of you.

Now, with that said, no, it's not common, but it IS masturbation. You might find that while you're enjoying porn, you might be rubbing your legs together ever so slightly for example. Or, you might simply be one of those rare women that connect your mental and physical stimulation together. For instance, I've been with women that could climax - hard - from simply being held tightly or from being looked at a certain way or from hearing someone talk dirty to them or have their nipples licked, etc.

These are called "triggers" - just as direct stimulation with fingers or toys are "triggers" too. This technically makes it "masturbation".

As to why this is so, it just happens to be the trigger you've found for yourself. Interestingly, you can translate that trigger just as easily into other things too including toys and oral/vaginal sex and many other things.

No, there is nothing "weird" about this at all. Again, not common, but certainly not "weird". Better words to describe it would be "exotic" or "unique". I say this because I want you to come to grips with this aspect of your sexuality and be able to turn it into something else that works for you even better and more directly into what you have alluded to wanting: a relationship with an incredible sex life.

Regarding the lesbian porn, watching it and getting off on it doesn't make you a lesbian (as though any label here has any meaning anyway!) Lesbians are women that have sexual relationships with other women. There's only one way to tell if a woman is a lesbian by the way - you have to look at her tongue. If there's another woman's pussy on the tip of it, she could very well be a lesbian!  ;)

Bottom line: don't worry about any of this. Appreciate it, explore it and grow it into becoming what you want. When you're with a guy, explore your sexual side with him and include porn if you want - or not! There are no rules here. The bottom line is that whatever gets you off - and is mutually consensual between you and your partner - is fair game.

Enjoy the game, and become fucking (pun intended) great at it!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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