Expert: Rhapsody Love - 12/21/2010

Question
Dear Joyce,

Hi I am a 24 going on 25 year old spanish woman looking for a life long partener. I cant seem to find any guy; they dump me before they can take me out on dates. The one thing that I want to experience is dating under the stars with someone you love. Going to a nice resturant or just liking the same things you like or having a lot to talk about. I want a guy who is ready for commitment it just seems I get guys whom are scared or not ready. I dont know any guys out there and I need your help. I grew up with my parents divorced and when I saw that I didnt want to end up in the same situitation. I got scared I prayed I didnt end up in the same boat.

I was nine when my mom divorced my dad do to drinking. He is better now because mom left him but the thing is I see moms parents and there like in love so much with each other as if they first met. I want that to be with a guy until death do us part. I am into family guys spiritual men. Guys who like new age and such even understand my way of thinking. I like a mellow relaxed but funny and interesting guy. I like someone who is fun and out going well rounded non controlling great with kids babies and elderly just is that hard to ask? I even am a little judgemental about the guys smile aka appearence. I like to date someone who has a healthy smile cares about his health who is skinny I dont mean to be that way its just I dont want to fall back to bad old habits. I have diabetes at a young age and I just want someone who really cares about himself. I hope one day I find my other half. What do I do to attract a handsome goregous man in my life? I have ADD and ADHD learning disabilities and I feel like guys look at that and I am like ok what do I do now. I sometimes even feel its how I look or the way I am. By all means I am a nice girl and interesting. Any guy would be lucky to have me as there girlfriend.

Answer
Jackie,

I'm sorry this message is late - something's wrong with my Allexperts email messages getting to me.

You sound like my daughter. Her grandparents were married and had it pretty good for over 50 yrs., though so does her parents. So she wanted that, too, but was afraid she couldn't be as good as we were.

Don't worry about your ADD/ADHD - people can't see that on the surface so much. It sounds like you've learned to compensate with it. What my daughter did to find her life-long partner finally was stop looking so hard, find friends she really liked, not just go out with anyone - waiting until someone really wanted to go out with her, and just enjoyed her life and friends and have fun. She joined gaming groups, went to karaoke bars where everyone doesn't get drunk - they eat and have reasonable drinks and enjoy the music and singing. She found a guy who likes to do karaoke and he was really interested in her. It still took a few months and he had a kid with another woman, but when you're older and you want a man who likes kids, sometimes that's the way it goes. She's a great step-mother and has a wonderful relationship with her step-daughter and after several years even has a good relationship with the mother.

Find places where you can meet people who are drunks and where people who like to have good clean fun. Have a good time and eventually you might find someone.

I hope that works. Good luck!

- Joyce