Expert: Rhapsody Love - 12/14/2010

Question
ive been on a dating site, a younger man approached me, so i responded. he is successful, very attractive, spiritual, and very artistic.  I am so attracted to him and he is so wise for being his age which surprises me and interests me even more.  I haven't been on the dating scene for about 4 yrs but I really would like to know this man.  there is a 20 yr difference, i don't know how to really approach this without scaring him even though we havent personally talked yet. he gave me his number and i called but because of his job we didnt connect. I did give him mine. Honestly im scared but my attraction is stronger than my fear. what should i do? and we are in different states. I really want to get to know him, but how do i begin and should I?

Answer
Cindy,

I'm sorry to say that this situation doesn't look good. The age difference might not matter that much now, but in the future it might. Women usually mature faster than men - emotionally & in other ways; that's why men usually have younger women. In 20 years from now, it might be tough on the relationship. Distance is also bad for a life-long relationship - it doesn't mean it doesn't work for some, but it puts a strain on the relationship, making it less likely to be life-long. If he's not contacting you, he might not be so interested and that might make it less likely to work also.

Having said that, if I were in your shoes, I still might pursue him if I was really stricken and had no other feelings for any other man. I don't know how you'd work out the distance situation; it's up to you and what you can work out under your circumstances.

I'm only two years older than my husband and it took him five years to feel ready to marry me and even then, we had to spend 3 mos. apart so he'd be sure. It was tough on me, because I was ready for a long time, but I was also determined. I very carefully worked my way into his heart and very carefully and respectfully kept a presence with him that would make me hard to resist. During the 3 mos. away, it was the worst time of my life because I couldn't be sure he'd come back to me. He did, though, and we've been married now over 30 yrs.

My situation was different than yours, though, so I don't want to give you false hope. If you really want it, you'll have to work on it - and you'll have to see some spark of his wanting it, too.

Good luck!

- Joyce