Expert: L.E. Coleman - 2/26/2010

Question
I'm 35 and have been single for almost two years.  I've never been married and I have no children.  Getting back into the dating scene has been difficult.  I've tried online dating and some fix ups from friends.  So far, there was not even an inkling of a spark.  Last Saturday I met a nice guy at a party who I was finally attracted to.  We chatted all night, he walked me to my car, and then kissed me goodnight.  I gave him my number and told him he should call me.  Well, it's Thursday night and no phone call.  I'm beginning to feel like there is something wrong with me since I am not married, and really only had 2 boyfriends in the past 10 years.  I'm ready to settle down and I really want a family.  I try not too look too desperate, but I must be doing something wrong.  I have tons of friends, many outside interests, and a good job - so I'm not always sitting at home alone.  But, I crave a relationship.  It's been two years and I'm ready.  So, 2 questions:  1) will the guy from Saturday ever call (in your opinion), and 2) what one thing can I do to make myself more attractive to men?

Thanks,
Teresa

Answer
Hi Teresa.

Let's take a look at your questions.
 

(1) Q: will the guy from Saturday ever call (in your opinion)

    A: The simple answer is: 'He Might.'

This is probably not what you want to hear but neither one of us are mind readers. I'm interested in knowing why you let him kiss you in the first place.  Was it initiated by him? Did he ask? Or were you just sending out a strong signal to let him know that you were interested?  Sometimes, things like this are important to a man because when you allow a man into your personal space, (and believe it or not, a simple kiss, however innocent and simple is really an imitate thing to most guys)it says to us (or at least, gives us the impression) that we have our foot in the door, so to speak. This gives us the advantage to move in any direction we choose. That is to say, your friend has many options: He can call you just to string you along; he can call you to pursue the relationship further; he can throw your number into file 13 if he wants to, or he can simply keep your number around for a rainy day. The bottom line this: Don't wait on the call. If he happens to call, your mind will be put at ease and you can ask him about why it took him so long to call.  However, if you can accept the fact that you might not hear from him again (without crucifying yourself or feeling that there's something wrong with you) you're going to be better off in the long run.
Men can smell desperation from a mile away and some of them simply feed off it and take advantage of women.  They chew women up and spit them out all the time.  We don't know if your friend is this kind of guy.  He may not be because he hasn't called you yet to capitalize on his opportunity.  This is a good thing and it ties into your second question.


(2) (Q)what one thing can I do to make myself more attractive to men?

    (A) Nothing!

Why do I say this?  Because the man will be more attracted to WHAT you did to make yourself attractive than he will to the real you. Girls/Women give guys an IMAGE all the time and then expect the image to keep a man.  For example, you may get dolled up and look like the most beautiful women in the world. A guy who's interested in beauty falls in love only with the image and he expects you to look that way all the time. When you take off the makeup, he's less interested in you and you'll hear things like: "why don't you wear your makeup more?"  Or you may lose weight and really start to feel good about yourself.  The man also feels good about being with a shapely woman. However, if you were to get depressed about something and pick up weight because you eat a little more, he's going to be put off by your body.  He wants his image back because he was sold on the IMAGE and not on the person.  The bottom line is this: YOUR ARE ALREADY MORE ATTRACTIVE.  But if you don't feel this way, men are not going to feel this way either.  You will only attract what you feel at your core being.  Take stock in yourself. Began to love yourself like never before.  Forget about men!  They will come because you've already sent your intention into the universe.  Began to thank God for already sending you someone who loves you for you.  You must see this in your heart and mind before it will ever show up in this physical manifestation.

God Bless
LC