Expert: L.E. Coleman - 2/19/2010

Question
I'm a 26-year old self-employed, single female who enjoys the ability to speak Spanish, French, German, Italian, Chinese, and Japanese. In addition to that, I know American Sign Language as well. For some reason, I was told by my own biological mother that being multilingual turns off a guy and that it makes him jealous, thinking that I'm going to cheat with other guys, especially guys with foreign accents, that know those languages, if I ever speak to them and that I'll never have a steady relationship. However, I don't see anything wrong with it sometimes, especially when I was speaking Italian to an Italian vendor at the mall yesterday and French to a French family at a furniture store the day after Christmas last December, but when I talked to a guy on an online dating site about my multilingual ability three years ago, he seemed pretty intimidated by it.

Does this mean I'd have to sacrifice speaking more than one or two languages in order to keep a guy? Will being multilingual ruin a relationship? Will I keep dating random guys and not find the right one?

Answer
Hi Lisa.

I think your mother is giving you some bad advice.  It is true that some men will be intimidated by an intelligent woman who knows how to do something more than get together with her girlfriends on a Saturday night and talk about how bad men are. The ability to speak several languages is a plus and not a minus. Only men with severe self-esteem problems are going to feel that your gifts offer you a unique way to cheat on them. Being multilingual can be a big plus for you because your abilities will weed out the guys who can't handle a intelligent woman.  Just be patient. There are plenty of men out there who would love to hear you say, 'I love you' in different languages.  You will only keep dating the wrong guys if the fear persist that you won't find the 'right guy.' In other words, you'll simply be creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Sat back and relax. Begin to thank the universe (or God, if you prefer) for sending someone in your life who will enjoy every aspect of your being.  Believe me, your soul mate is out there but there's nothing you can do to make him come to you.  Your knowing that 'he will come' is what will bring you two together.  As for your mother's advice--get rid of it.  Men don't need to use your ability to speak several languages as an excuse not to trust you.  They could be intimidated by your beauty, the amount of friends you have, your job or position in society, or something else to feel intimidated by you.  Just remember this: they have the problem, not you.  Wait for love and don't settle for a man who's not secure in his own worth and abilities.

God Bless

L.E. Coleman