Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 2/22/2010

Question
QUESTION: (I posted this to another person but didnt get a response, I guess this is not a easy thing to aswer, I hope you can give me some advice)

"How does ugly people get a date? I'm serious. If I look at the people around me that is married, they almost always kind off looke the same. Which is why I guess people are attracted to people that look like them. Well, I pretty much on the ugly norm on social status and even 'making' myself attractive Im still ugly. So how on earth do I attract a man I actually enjoy being with and that enjoys being with me. The men that are willing to talk to me are either in sexless marriages-Im not interested in this. Or belief they cant do better and serious self esteem problems, no jobs, live with parents.  Men are not interested in ugly women, they are visuel people.  I feel like I have to take what I get or I will be single forever, which Im not ok with. Or if I find some one and he cheat on me I should accept it. And dont say Im sure you are attractive as you have not seen what i look like I like. My confidence are going down lately as I ahve always liked mysled, been happy with my life, but men are not interested in me and the women in my life keep saying how sad it is that I will never get a man.

ANSWER: Hello!

Hmmm...maybe we need to talk about YOUR self-esteem??

First of all, your looks do have something to do with the men you date, but you're putting far too much weight on it. You need to maximize your looks by exploiting your best features and there are a ton of ways to do that. Your girlfriends can really help you here since you're not a good judge of what those are.

Thus, the first step is to figure that out and learn to dress and make yourself up to get the most out of the great futures you do have - and everyone has them. Manage what you can (such as your weight, health, etc.) and don't fret over what you can't.

The second point is to figure out what sorts of guys you're interested in. You do this by first deciding what you want in your life - and being clear about it. If you say things like "I want to be married", you're totally missing the boat.

Marriage isn't a good goal. The reason is that it's not the relationship itself, it's a format of a relationship! Don't you really want a great, healthy, happy relationship with someone you care about and love and that loves you back? Of course you do - that's the point. People (particularly women) tend to focus on the wrong things and don't put their energies where they'll get the most effect.

The next step is learning to find these guys and approach them! I see many otherwise great women that simply don't know how to approach the guys they're interested in. Instead, they have to sit back and wait for some guy to do all the work. These tend to be the guys that have the problems you mentioned. Hmmm...coincidence? Nope! You're actually causing it.

Finally, realize that guys want the same things you do! Your looks are only a small part of the equation here - not the entire thing. After you've worked on that point, put it aside and learn to address men in their own way. We go about getting the same things you do differently. It's this very point that is the most important! If you spend the majority of your time here, you're not going to have to worry about finding men to date - trust me!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: ------After you've worked on that point, put it aside and learn to address men in their own way. We go about getting the same things you do differently. It's this very point that is the most important! !-----

Ok, you've made some good points. Got my interest. What do you mean at the above statement? Could you explain it please?

Answer
Hello again!

In other words: maximize your looks to the best of your ability, but after you've done that, put it aside (and your feelings of insecurity) and focus on becoming the best partner you can be for your guy.

You do that by first learning what he wants and then simply becoming that woman to him.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"