Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 3/8/2010

Question
QUESTION: Well we've been talking since Valentines day every day  till about 3 am....but just want a friend with benefits... how do i change that? we haven't took it that far though but i kind of want to. what should i do?

ANSWER: Dear Jehia,

Back off.  Let him feel your absence.  You can't "make" him want more, but right now it looks like he's getting what HE wants and YOU are not getting what YOU want, so you have to change what you are doing.  You are being far too available for him to maintain interest.  Make yourself a bid scarce, girlfriend.

I don't recommend "friend with benefits".  That's benefits to the MAN, not the woman.  

Best of luck,
Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc
sdunn@susandunn.cc


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Its not me who's calling.... hes always the first to text every day or call... And we've only been together once.... so do i ignore him for a while and for how long?
And could you tell me what does bid scarce mean?LOl

ANSWER: Dear Jehia,

That's a typo.  It should say -- make yourself a "bit scarce."

What I'm going to recommend will seem "rude" to you, but it works with a guy.  Don't answer his txt right away.  Let 24 hours go by.  PULL BACK.  "Disappear" for a whole day or two.  Say you were "busy."  Do NOT explain why.  The mystery ... the challenge ... let him figure it out.  you are being way, way too available for this man.  You have to make him really WORK to even get a hold of you via txt msg.

All the best,
Susan  

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: But when he calls, Should i hit the button on him? I really like this guy, he has not rushed me into anything at all. And I'm worried if I do that would he care or would he stop talking to me?
Afterward should i text him or wait till he texts me first?

Answer
Dear Jehia,

If you are afraid to lose him, then you will.  Don't answer every call.  You don't want to APPEAR so available.  Let him have to work at this a little.  I know teens these days are almost on the txt msg/cell phone constantly.  However, just let it ring.  If and when you are in a real relationship, where he is participating, then you can answer when he calls every time.  If he stops talking to you because you do not answer one phone call ... well, think about what you just wrote.  You wouldn't want a guy like that.  Just answer him some of the time.  Not all the time, and not right away.  Unless what you want is a txt mxg/cell phone pseudo-relationship.  You want to direct him away from this and toward actually dating you.  

Again -- let him make all the advances, and make him do some work.

All the best,
Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc
sdunn@susandunn.cc