Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 3/16/2010

Question
My Boy friend and I are together since 6 yrs. My parents agreed to our marriage. We are planning to get married next yr. I am 25 and he is 26. Everything was fine until last yr. 1 Yr back, my BF started liking another girl and started getting close to her. He once boozed and told me that he loves her. I argued with him later and asked him to get out of my life. But, he said sorry and told me that he told me  only to hurt me and she is a very good frnd of his. I could personally see the way he was getting close to her through phone calls and parties etc.
I kept arguing every time on this. He stopped talking to her for a month and then he again started talking to her .He loves me a lot. I know this but I am not able to understand what feelings he have for her. He says she is his best frnd and supports him all the time. She makes him laugh and he is happy talking to her and he like her behaviour a lot.
I love him a lot tooo. So, I convinced myself all the while that it is just frndship and nothing more than that. But somehow I am not able to be peaceful. She leaves him voice messages with poems for him. They talk in the night for long time. When I ask him, he says she is just a frnd and it is bad on my part to suspect him when he is being honest and truthful. Please advice if I am wrong or if he is wrong and how do I get him back totally.

Answer
Dear Mary,

You need to make up your mind what you want.  Marriage is not compatible with the behavior he is doing.  Once you make up your mind, give him an ultimatum.  By that, I mean -- tell him to quit doing that (ANY of it), or get out.  But you have to mean it.  This behavior of his is not compatible with marriage, or even love of you. Neither is, really, taking 6 years to pop the question.   

All the best,
Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc