Expert: Rhapsody Love - 5/22/2010

Question
hi, i am a pretty girl (or so thet say), I am 22 and I have had a boyfriend (14 yrs older than me) for nearly seven years. Last year, when I was still together with my boyfriend, I started to feel something for a guy studying with me at university. I know he liked me because he invited me out a couple of times and he told it to my best friend. At the beginning I did not like him that much but when we went out together I started to know and like him. At the time, he did not know I was engaged to another man (of 35). We started to study and spend a lot of time together. I found we had (and have) so many things in common that could have probably looked good together. But then he discovered I had a boyfriend (I told him) and that I would have left him only for a serious affair. After a couple of weeks he withdrawn, withount saying anything. We simply became good friends. A year went by, I left my boyfriend (not because of this guy, but for other problems) and after a few months I started dating another guy, a guy I like but with whom I am not in love. In these months my now good- friend guy started to spend some time with me over again, but not like the first time. We become just a little bit more than just friends. One day I met the guy I am dating now and I started to go out with him, given the fact that the other did not make a move in months. I tried to let him go but I see him everyday (we study the same subject) and I feel re-attracted to him from times to times. We never kissed or something else, but we had much time close to each other; we also slept in the same bed. What should I do? Does he still like me? Sometimes it seems he does, others he just seems not to see me. I think the problem is he doesn't want a serious affair with anyone (he has never had a girlfriend for more than few months), but how could that be possible?? what's wrong with him?

thanks for your answer and your time

G

Answer
G,

There are many reasons why people shy away from serious relationships. 1) They have someone else or someone else in my they prefer, 2) they're gay, 3) they want to focus on school/career, 4) they haven't experienced enough of single life to settle down to one person yet, and 5) they are afraid the other person isn't interested in them (especially if they know about previous relationships).

What do you do?: 1) Make a list of the qualities you liked best in each man you've previously dated, 2) make a list of qualities you didn't like, 3) make a list of qualities you desire in a life-long partner/husband (and maybe what ones you don't want) & ask yourself if you're willing to compromise on any of them (compromise might make it easier to find the right man for you - a marriage is compromise and learning how to live with each other). You may need to get to know a man better to see if he has these qualities.

If/when you know the man is "Mr. Right", then pursue him - you might want to do it gently at first, but don't assume it has to be him to make the first move. He may be afraid you're not interested, so you need to make it clear that you are.

I hope this helps. Good luck!

- JoyceD