Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 6/10/2010

Question
I've been single my whole life. I am open to relationships, I have a great self image and a great deal of respect for myself, and my standards are set at a reasonable level. What am I doing wrong?

Answer
Hello Morgan!

Have all of this means nothing if you don't know how to get in and play the rest of the game!

Morgan, you've given me almost nothing to work with here, but let me give you a general answer. What I see most commonly is that guys like you that come to me with this sort of perspective usually want the girls to do all the work for them.

They do dumb things like making friends with women first thinking that if she sees what a great guy he is, she'll just fall in love and he won't have to take any risks. This NEVER, EVER works.

Or, they act friendly waiting for women to approach them. Women don't do this - it's not their job and they damn-well know it.

Or, if they do approach a woman (at least they think they do) then they don't know how to build rapport and connection or how to close for what they want. Again, they expect the woman to do it.

Or, if they wind up with any sort of success (digits a possible future date, etc.) they don't know how to "convert". That is, going from digits to dates, from dates to sex, from sex to relationships and beyond.

...and I'm just scratching the surface.

Morgan, there are a bunch of skills here you need to learn and actually put into practice. Being a great guy has absolutely NOTHING to do with your success with women! Thinking so has everything to do with your failure.

We are complicated emotional creatures with an equally complicated mating/dating ritual. If you don't know that ritual well - and how to handle all the little issues along the way like how to set dates properly, handing "Pre-Tests", "Mini-Tests" and "The Test", how to bring masculine energy to your relationship (giving her the freedom to bring the feminine energy), how to lead and direct things, how to set relationship goals and turn them into a plan to create that relationship, how to communicate with women in THEIR language and to interpret them in yours or any of another 100 things, how can you expect to be successful just because you're "open to relationships" or have a "great self image" or have "reasonable standards"?

That's like saying you're qualified to be a brain surgeon because you're smart.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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