Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 6/5/2010

Question
Hi

I am a single mum (37 next week), of two boys. I have been on my own for 8 years and feel that I would like to be in a relationship again at some point. I found myself attracted to my boys' martial arts teacher, (very common situation I imagine). For a whole year I have barely been able to utter two words to him. He is chatty with the other mums but we both seem to avoid eye contact and it is very uncomfortable. He is only in his twenties, so for me, it really is only a crush, nothing more. He must think that I am very rude or weird, or worse realizes that I am attracted to him. How am I going to find the right man for me if I behave like this? I don't even know the guy. I avoid eye contact, can't speak and dart off to the furthest chair away. I have tried to be 'normal' but it's hard when I seem to have reeked the guy out, made him as nervous around me as I am of him! How can I get myself ready to meet someone without this situation happening again? Thanks

Answer
Hello Karen!

Practice my dear. Practice.

Here's the problem: you're blowing targets out of the water (like the instructor) because you aren't in the habit of doing what it takes to attract someone. You don't practice making sustained eye contact or talking to people you just happen to meet.

As well, you likely throw off "stay away" signals - many, many women do without even knowing it. These include things like making eye contact, carrying a scowl on your face, always looking at the floor, keeping your back to the action, sitting with arms and legs crossed, purposefully engaging yourself with "things" like cell phones (without someone on the other end), books, newspapers, not dressing up a bit, etc.

All of these things keep you separated and isolated from the world - your "target market".

Get pretty! Get engaging! Get fun! These are the things that allow people to approach you. Also, you should learn to approach other people as well! I know that's terrifying, but the reality is, you have more ways to approach men than even we have! You can check out my e-book, "How Women Can Approach Men" on my website if you're interested in learning more about this.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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