Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 6/12/2010

Question
QUESTION: Hi:)i am 17years old...i love my ex-boyfriend...now we have very close relationship...we are very good friends he tells about everything, but i think he has some feelings with me:) i think that he feels also that i love him and everytime tests me...one minute he hugs me than next minute tells me that for example this girls is beautiful he likes her and everytime he does such kind of things and makes me crazy but i don't show him my emotions and make sure that everything is ok. So i want him to make also crazy about me and attract him. Please help me and give me some advices...thank you:):*

ANSWER: Hello Tiko!

Welcome to friendship with ex's!

Herein lies the biggest problem: since you're a close "friend", you're going to have to put up with hearing about all the things he's going through with other girls. Does that hurt? I'd imagine it does! It's for this very reason I never recommend you try to keep a friendship with an ex.

First of all, you're going to have to fix whatever it was that broke you up in the first place. You were together and that ended for a reason. That reason still likely exists and unless you get it fixed, he's not going to see you as a potential girlfriend again. Even worse, if he forgets this and gets back with you anyway, it's all going to come back up and fly right in your face. Trust me, the next break up isn't going to be as friendly as the first.

Once you do that, the next step is to remind him of how you were when you were together. That means that you start acting like his girlfriend. Snuggle up to him, plan things with him, etc. Do all the things you used to do when you were together.

Pretty soon, you'll actually BE together.

Don't worry about what you call this either. Whether either of you call it a "relationship"; what does it matter if you're actually in one?

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: thank you very much...i like you advice:) but i have to tell you that we have been togather for two weeks...he had many girlfriends...and i understood what he wanted in relationship, he wanted kisses and then he would brake up...so i didn't kiss him and when he was asking it i was telling that i don't want and i would kiss him when i fall in love with him...one day he told me that let's agree to this: we won't see and speak each other for 3days and if you realise that you want to be with me tell me and we continue our relationship...when 3 days were passed i sent message that i was missing him but he didn't answerme then after two days i called him and told that i didn't want such kind of relationship and offered to be friends and he agreed...then he was trying to attract me again but i was too angry...after some times we became good friends...and i don'tknow how to fix the reason of our separateness...and there is also one thing i am not sure thet he likes me...maybe 70%likes 30%not...and if i remind him the time when we were togather he will be sure that i love him and maybe he will make me crazy or do somethink if he doesno't like me...thank you again:)

Answer
Hello again Tiko!

Wait a minute. Don't you think that it would have been better to let me know these facts in the FIRST message? Two weeks? You're not kissing him?

What's really going on here Tiko? Are you trying to exchange physical closeness for love or something else? I don't know about Georgia, but over here in the US we have a name for that: prostitution.

Here's the real problem: you're playing games with him and being manipulative. OF COURSE he's going to break up with you! You have nothing to offer him other than these games!

Here's my honest opinion: you have a lot of growing up to do and you're not ready for a relationship yet.

Love comes when you're doing all the right things. You're not doing anything "right" here! How can you ever expect (or even hope) to actually love someone, let alone for them to love you back???

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"