Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 8/15/2010

Question
QUESTION: This guy I haven't seen since high school found me on Facebook and was thrilled when he did because I thought about him for so long. We have been emailing back and forth on Facebook and then he sent me an invite to his birthday party and he had his number on there to call for directions or whatever. So I decide to text him and it worked for the first time and he said he would call me when he gets out of work, which he did. So he tells me about his new place and invites me and I go and we hang out. He was a guy I already new from before and all we did was hang out and watch tv anyway. It was fun. Then we hangout again a second day in a row which was fine. Then I went over there a third time and we hungout the whole night and we cuddled and we kissed good night. Then I started acting kind of desperate and got mad that he wouldn't respond to my messages right away. I haven't acted desperate like this about a guy in a long time. I haven't likes a guy like this in a long time. But I blew it because we got into a big argument about me getting mad about him not responding and deleted me off his facebook. He said he wasn't ready for a relationship because he just got out of a five year relationship. Which I understand because I've been there. I emailed him and apologized for acting stupidly and hope that we could still be friends because I would hate to lose him after just connecting again. But I don't think he read it. So I left it alone for a couple days and just sent him a text message happy birthday because it was his birthday and he texted back "thnx." So it was a start I suppose, but I am afraid I still blew it and wish there was a way I could get him back some how. I don't think I'm going to show up to his party tomorrow because that would be way awkward. But is there something I could do?

ANSWER: Hello Laura!

Frankly, I think you SHOULD show up at his party. This texting crap is killing off anything you might have!

Think about this: you text him an apology. How rude and insincere! No wonder you only got back a "thnx" from him! It was his rude response to your rudeness.

Laura, this is rude because it's just so damn easy and safe. When you apologize you take a risk of it not being accepted or having to explain why you're sorry for what you did. That's "real". Texting just seems like you just dashed it off because you had nothing better to do.

If you're too much of a coward (or I'd hate to image it, too cold and callous to give a shit) then just forget this right now and move on. If not, then get your ass to that party, take him aside and tell him how sorry you REALLY are and then make it up to him.

Also, STOP HANGING OUT with guys you're interested in! What are you - the "buddy" or something more??? If you continue to hang out instead of going on REAL dates, that's all you'll ever be, and you'll constantly be getting this crap about "not being ready". He's ready, trust me.

Are you??

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Well I didn't go to the party and I am not sure when it ends. So I guess I pretty much blew it. Do you think there is anyway I can still fix it though? And you're right about the hanging out part.
Thanks! - Laura

ANSWER: Hello again Laura!

Every time you make these dumb mistakes, every time you lose the few little opportunities you might have, you multiply the difficulty factor in fixing things.

It didn't look good before and since you didn't go to the party to be with him, it looks way, way worse now.

There's always a possibility of repairing this damage, but whereas you had maybe a 50% chance, now you probably have 10% or less.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Well one thing I got nervous about is him mentioning that he has a lot of "friend girls."  Which is not something I'm comfortable with and it's like because he's single he's playing these girls up to see which one he wants next. Doesn't that make perfect sense? He told me he wasn't sure how I would react to that. I am a pretty well reserved person and if I felt uncomfortable in anyway, I would leave and not have made a scene or anything. Anyway, I guess I should just call and apologize then. At least my voice would show how sincere I am.

Answer
Hey Laura!

So now you're telling me that he's not the guy you're interested in because of a silly comment - or are you just trying to talk yourself out of things because you're afraid?

Just be careful about too much subtlety. Many women do this. They are way too subtle, thinking that having a vague message will make him spend time considering it and the message simply gets lost. In reality, most men just blow this off and ignore it altogether.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"