Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 8/19/2010

Question
I met a great guy a week ago.  We were both volunteering at an empowerment camp and we were together for two fantastic days. It felt like an instant connection and attraction.  He is now traveling for the next 4 weeks and asked me to visit him when he gets home. He lives 6 hours from me and we talked about it and it made sense for me to visit him when he gets back.  Now he is volunteering at another camp and I am not sure what communication to send him.  I get a thrill every time he responds to our messages, but his last message said he wasn't sure he would be able to respond as much because of little Internet and cell reception.  Do I keep sending him messages, or do I wait for him to respond to my last message?  Because the relationship is so new, I want to be sure to avoid looking needy... what do you recommend?

Answer
Hello Rachel!

I'm going to answer your question, but first, I want you to consider what this really (potentially?) is: a long-distance relationship ("LDR").

Rachel, the reality is this: LDR's NEVER work out. I don't care how much connection you had. The fact is this is not only going to fail, but will backfire in a big way on top of it. If you want to know more about why this is so, go watch the short video on my website (http://BeingAMan.tv). When you get there, click on Video and then Self Help to find it.

While you're there, you should also watch the video on why technology kills off potential relationships.

If you view this for what it really is - a temporary "fling", then that's completely something else.

As to how often to communicate with him, you might think about this more like social networking than trying to build a relationship. In other words, you can just text him "I'm going off to work now and I was just thinking about you" or "I'm going to meet my girlfriends but I wish you were here".

This becomes something of a "status update" rather than trying to date via texting or email. Further, if he doesn't respond, it's no big deal because you didn't ask for any response.

Of course, you want to hear from him as well and there are times when you should ask for it if he doesn't offer it up. You can text him something like, "I'd sure like to hear your voice today" or even ask him some specific question.

Rachel, relationships are tough by themselves. Adding in the distance makes them impossible. Enjoy this for what it is, but keep your expectations low. If he doesn't respond as often as you'd like, you'll be better able to accept the fact that the distance isn't just physical, it's emotional as well.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"