Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 9/29/2010

Question
There is a really cute guy that I've recently become friends with in one of my
classes.  He also attends the same church I do, so we end up at a lot of the
same activities.  I have a western dance date night for my sorority coming up
and I would like to ask him to go with me.  I think he would say yes because
he tends to open up more when I talk to him and is a very sweet, nice guy, but
he is very shy and I don't want to make our friendship awkward for him since I
see him so often.  I don't want him to close up on me since I'm just getting
him to open up.  Would my asking him intimidate him?  I am fairly shy when it
comes to these things, too, so I don't have any idea how to even go about
asking him.  Is there anything I could do to make this less awkward for both of
us?  And as far as dates like this go, since I'm doing the asking, should I
drive?  If so, how would I go about picking up and dropping him off?  Should I
get out of the car when I drop him off..., etc.?
Thank you so much for your help:)!

Answer
Hello Whitney!

Excellent Whitney! I'm very proud of you for thinking about taking the first step. So many of your girlfriends are terrified of doing this for absolutely no good reason. Good for you!

Trust me, you're not going to intimidate him at all. I don't care how shy he is. Even better, I'm going to give you the perfect way of asking him where he'll feel that it was his idea and will want to go with you!

What you do is this: the very next time you see him get some time alone with him and just say, "Did you hear about the dance that's coming up? I want to go but I don't have anyone to go with. Do you like to dance?"

That's it! You've opened the door so wide that if he doesn't walk through it, he'd have to be as clueless as they come! Further, there's nothing awkward about this at all. It's very simple, safe and proven effective.

As far as driving, no. Let him pick you up, drive, etc. You shouldn't have to do ALL his work for him, right?

Oh, one more thing: sometime during the date, be sure to take his hand, put your arm around his and at some point, kiss him too. You don't want this to be just two buddies hanging out and getting this going on the right foot is absolutely critical.

Go get him Whitney!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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