Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 1/20/2011

Question
Dear Dennis,

I am a young latina girl short about 5,2 in a half. I am in my mid twenties and been losing weight to attract a guy and for my health. I am outgoing talkive but I have always been a shy girl and admittedly very self conscious of the way I look. There have been so many times when I've really liked a guy but I never had the courage to talk to him for the fear of rejection. I just seem to choak up and hide. I then sometimes act stupid in front of the guy and I am like what the hell did I just do. This was me growing up. I never seemed to keep the guy either they just run away from me.  They never call me and I have to call them how do I attract the guy I want and deserve. I am into casual to preppy men who are spiritual open minded nice family oriented always there for you kind of men. I am into romantic guys lovily dovy guys who like to hold you close. By all means I get embarressed if that happens to me and then I fear rejection what do I do. I look at there appearences too like I like a guy with straight teeth white teeth clear skin, tall guys who are clean skinny care about there health. Have educational back grounds caring and supportive. I also like a man who drives too and has a job a successful paying job. But I seem to attract men who are not cute or isnt on my check list. What gives?

Answer
Hello Jacqueline!

First of all, you're going to need to expand your checklist. Part of the problem is that you're young. You don't have very much worldly experience. What's worrisome about that is that you're not going to get it either by holding on to such a specific checklist and not giving guys that aren't specifically on it a chance. I constantly hear from women how they finally found their true loves when they went outside their lists.

It's something to think about.

With that said, you're waiting to attract guys. I understand why you do this, but the reality is that you might wait forever. This is the new millennium! There's nothing wrong with actually for (that is, approaching) the guys you're interested in!

Yes, I know you claim to be "shy" but in reality you simply lack education and skills about approaching these guys. You might want to check my website as I have a book called "How Women Can Approach Men" that explains to you exactly how to do it, but more important shows you the key tools that YOU have that even us guys don't have.

Think about how your options will open up when you get past this excuse of being "shy". Further, you'll be in better control of yourself and won't have to worry about acting dumb or saying dumb things. This is all about education Jacqueline.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
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