Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 1/2/2011

Question
Hello Dr Neder

I've met a gorgeous guy, he's a friend of a friend of mine. I saw him a couple of times but we never really talked as I am quite shy and our friends were always in the way. He seemed to like me as he was always looking at me. A few days ago he had a house party and as I sat on the sofa he came sitting next to me, but he didn't say a word, apart from "I made a song for you" which I don't really believe as he had a few drinks. My friend was next to me so maybe that's why he felt out of place.

The next day I sent him a message on Facebook, it's not my style as I'm always afraid of rejection but I had to break the ice. I just wrote "thank you for the nice evening". A few days have passed and still no reply.
If he really liked me he would have replied but it could be that he thought it was just a polite message and didn't expect a response.
I don't know how a man's mind work, could you tell me why would somebody show he's attracted to you and then ignore the message? I'm confused.

Answer
Hello Tamara!

Herein lies the problem with trying to use technology to build something between you and anyone else. Technology is a filter. It's far, far too safe and easy and just comes off as insecure and insincere. Consider this: would you accept a date from someone that asked you out via Facebook or (worse) text? I'd hope not!

No, it's not likely that he'd respond to a message like that. Even if he does, it's not going to be for days - maybe weeks. Then, what's he going to say, but "you're welcome" and then where does that leave you? No better off than you were before you sent the message!

Thus, you're going to have to have a better plan here.

First of all, I want you to get over this ridiculous shyness crap. It's a waste of your time and is going to hinder you in all sorts of ways later on. Get to work on that for this new year, ok? There's no reason to be shy and self-conscious. It's education you lack, not value.

Second, why not enlist one or two of your friends that know him to help? If you're interested in him, just ask one of your friends to drop the hint for you. They don't have to make it a big deal, but they can say to him, "You know, I think Tamara likes you. You really need to ask her out - she's a really great girl. I can give you her number if you want."

See how easy that is?

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO/Executive Producer
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