Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 2/7/2011

Question
From reading some of your other answers you say that a girl should first think about what she wants in a guy, make a detailed list of it, and then decide what are “must haves,” “like-to-haves,” etc. Then she should figure out what she brings to the table herself, figure out what her “target audience” wants, and then become that. All of this makes perfect sense, but my question is, how do I figure out what my target audience wants? And by target audience, do you mean one particular guy, or just the kind of guy I am interested in?
Thanks!

Answer
Hello Kate!

Your "target audience" are the people you are attracted to that you want to have something with - sex, dating, relationships, etc.

You discover what your market wants in many different ways. First of all (and most important) you ask, but you have to ask intelligently. Simply saying, "Ok Bob, what do you want?" will get you absolutely nowhere. How does Bob know what he wants at that moment?

Asking is about seeking to be what your market wants and needs. This is actually a life-long quest. You  discover these things by asking people like me, by probing your market and especially by knowing what you bring first - and being able to explain it clearly and succinctly.

It's unfortunate but more and more women today are forgetting this entirely. Most of the women I talk to have an entitlement mentality and are only interested in what they can get - not what they can give. When their partners finally realize that's the only game they have in their bags, they move on. Then, these women blame the men for not providing what they needed and for being jackasses for promising and not delivering. When I get to the part about what they brought (or have to bring)? Crickets.

Another way to discover this is to choose good experts who's work has proven out to be solid. This is far more difficult however than you'd think. With the internet, there's a proliferation of so-called "experts" who really have no clue what they're doing. They simply take other's work, warm it over and serve it up as though it was their own. They don't know why something works; let alone how to apply it in any situation is even slightly different from the context in which they found it.

For example, there are many so-called experts that tell women to do absolutely rude and ridiculous things as though that's going to work. It constantly fails, but by that time the "expert" is off on some other project and the people they've worked with are left to clean up the mess they've made.

Yet another tools is empirical evidence. This means by trying things out and discovering what is effective and what is not. With some things this can be quite a chore and frankly, it's not a good way to discover these things, but with others, it can be quite valuable.

One example is in bed. Discovering what works for your partner can be something of a trial-and-error experience, but not only is the discover fun, it becomes a bonding experience too. Of course, you need to have experience in order to be creative. Thus, gaining lots of this experience helps you here too.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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