Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 4/8/2011

Question
QUESTION: Hi, I'm a doctor and I recently met a man online who was a lawyer. He was very handsome and smart and successful, and the children of millionaires (his parents live in a $2 million dollar house), so I thought it was odd that a rich handsome man was on a dating site, but then again I'm very beautiful and a doctor, I have an outgoing friendly personality and I'm still single, so I didn't think anything of it.

It turns out we have 2 friends in common. He suddenly wrote "Oooh! I wonder what dirty stories they told you about me!" After another 2 conversations he completely stopped writing me.

What is your instinct about this one?

What does he mean by dirty stories anyway?

ANSWER: Hello Nicolette!

My "instinct"? Just that he's kidding and having fun. I wouldn't read anything into it.

This is yet ANOTHER problem with internet dating. It causes otherwise rational people to become suspicious and untrusting.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Oh well what does it matter. He stopped writing me anyway :(

NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ANSWER: Hello again Nicolette!

Next indeed!!!!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: What percentage of online dating do you think is successful? (Assuming you talk a few times and arrange to meet right away)

What are some of the drawbacks and what are some of the benefits you've seen on this thing? Have you ever used it?

Answer
Hey Nicolette!

Actually, I'm writing a new book on exactly this - and how to actually be successful with internet dating - called "The BAM Guide to Internet Dating" that will be released by summer or late spring.

As to the percentage, it's woefully low. Don't you find it interesting that online dating sites like match, eharmony, plentyoffish, etc., don't publish their success rates? I did - until I found a few secret memos from these sites and did some math from their own marketing materials. In fact, their success rates are fractions of a percent of what people find in "real life".

As to the drawbacks? Again - many! Even worse, many people do really dumb things with their profiles and even how they deal with people they meet on these sites that further limit their own success.

Here are just a very few problems:

* Quantity: Women usually get anywhere from 200 - 2000 responses PER MONTH to their ads on these sites. Thus, instead of being surgical in how you sift though potential guys, you have to use a hatchet instead - and almost always miss the best possible partners.

* Technology filter: Your subconscious mind believes that these guys aren't "real" (and they also believe this about you!) Thus, people have little qualm about mistreating others on these sites. That includes lying, misdirecting, being rude and inconsiderate (even downright nasty), and many, many other problems.

* Ignorance: Most people don't really know how to use the tool. For instance (one of MANY) they'll spend way too much time trying to get to know someone via email and thus, allowing their own subconscious mind to taint the discovery of the other person. They imbue them with all sorts of beliefs that simply aren't true. Then, when you actually DO meet the person, you tend to believe that your initial impressions couldn't possibly be "wrong" and thus, assume the other person is a liar.

* Entitlement and over-expectation: People tend to think they can have (or deserve) someone that frankly is way, way out of their league. They simply don't have the skills to land or keep this person or just pass over otherwise perfect suitors looking for a "Brad Pitt" or "Katy Perry".

* Female-centric: Many, many women use these sites simply for attention - and nothing more.

* Male-centric: Many, many guys use these sites to try to meet sex partners - and nothing more.

* LDR's made easy: There's little differentiation between local and long-distance for most people and these sites make that mistake hugely easy. LDR's simply never work out.

...and the list goes on and on and on...

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"