Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 6/2/2011

Question
Last summer I met a boy in drama camp. I have very strong emotions towards him. I can hardly take my mind of him. I will be seeing him again this summer in camp. This is in another city about 2 hours away from mine, which is were he lives.

We have a lot of the same interests and had quite a lot of fun in camp. I am scared to see him again this July.

My friends have been bugging me about asking him out, but I am not sure. I don't find him good looking, but he`s very smart and that seems to attract me. He`s one year older than me (Im 14) and I doubt he`s even thought about having feelings for me.

Should I make a move, or is this just a crush and will go with time. My feeling for him have not grown weaker but quite the opposite. I am terrified of seeing him in just a few months.I would really like to impress him, and I feel this is my last chance.

--Isabella

Answer
Hello Isabella!

First of all, I'm very proud of you for asking this question! Do you have any idea how few girls would even consider trying to make something happen? At least you're looking into it seriously. That's a great thing and I want you to be successful.

My concern however is that if he lives 2 hours away, how are you going to ask him out? That's quite a trip to go see him. Maybe you're talking about just hanging out with him when you're at camp - something very doable.

You don't want to try to "impress him" however. That's because: 1) you don't need to, and 2) it will LOOK like you're trying to impress him. That isn't very impressive!

The very best way to get anyone's attention is to simply become interested in the thing that s/he is most interested in. Now, you're probably wondering, "How do I know what that is???" Answer: it's very, very simple. We are all most interested in ourselves.

Think about this: when people talk about things you don't know about, you may have some interest, but when they talk about things you know well, you can really get into the conversation, right? Boys are like that too.

You can write to him and say that you're looking forward to seeing him at camp and hope to spend some time together (big points). You can also tell him that you want to hear what he's been doing since you saw him last (bigger points).

Learn to ask him "open-ended questions" too. These are questions that have more than a "yes" or "no" or one-word answer. For instance, if you ask him, "Do you like camp?" he can say, "Yeah, sure." Then, what do you do? Instead, if you ask him "What do you like most about camp?" he can start talking about all of HIS experiences and memories.

Do you see how this start building rapport? It's quick and very easy to do.

You can learn more about open-ended questions by checking out the FAQ's on my website (http://BeingAMan.com) under the "articles" section.

Good luck!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO/Executive Producer
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