Expert: Rhapsody Love - 2/2/2012

Question
All the guys I have a great "connection" with act like the perfect man and then ignore me when they notice I feel the same way about them. These guys do nice things for me, like take me out, show me a good time and be the gentlemen that they are. I am an attractive young female and I do not understand why these guys give up. I do not have sex or show too much interest on the first date for it to ruin any chances of something real developing. I want to find the right guy but I am most afraid of him abandoning me because this has happened countless times. Usually the signs point me towards the start of a wonderful relationship when in fact, they make me feel like a fool for wanting them in the first place. I refuse to feel bad about this situation but I am utterly confused. I do not understand why the guys I feel a connection with run away! =/ What can I do differently so these "men" stay in my life and feel excited about creating something real that would make both of us happy?

Answer
Abby,

I don't know much about what you do with men when you date them, how long you date them, or much else, except that you don't have sex on the first date. If you think they're leaving you for that reason, then they are not looking for a long term relationship.

I would suggest that you not even talk about having a long term relationship with men you date for a short time. It depends on the situation, how you met, how old you are, etc., but three months of dating once or twice a week is not too long to hold off on the conversation about where is your relationship going. You want to get to know each other. Don't lead them on to think they are getting more than a casual date and focus on trying to get to know who he is and what he likes and what you two have in common to do together. Do you like the same sports, movies, games, hobbies, etc.? How can you spend your time to get to know each other and have a good time without sex. Men often expect sex, so you better have a good option for them - good conversation that's not all about you and not too wordy (be careful not to talk too much because many men don't like that - be aware of his body language and what he says to you).

If the man runs away, don't blame yourself. There's someone out there who's right for you, but you probably haven't met him yet. When you get a guy who is willing to date a few times and you've figured out how to read him and see if he's right for you (you don't want just anyone), then ask him what he sees for himself for the future.

What things does he dream about doing? Is he in the job of his dream or would he like to do something else? Would he like to travel? Does he take the time to travel now? What about you, do you have the same interests and dreams for the future or is there a place where your dreams intersect? Find it and go with that. Let him know if you can see what you have to offer in life could be a support for what he wants to do.

A relationship is a sharing of a life, so you need to find how to communicate to him how sharing his life with you will be beneficial to him. If he gets to know you and falls in love with you for who you are, he may easily see the benefit. It could be you just haven't found the right one.