Expert: Rhapsody Love - 2/8/2012

Question
Hi!

I'm an undergrad (19 yrs old) in art school and I really like this guy (my age) who also attends my school. Here's the thing, I haven't ever formally met him. I've just admired him from afar. But I do know a bit about him (mostly from asking around..and his blog, ( brand me with "creep")

He's smart and extremely attractive, but he's really shy and sort of a lone wolf. I've never really seen him talking to anyone except teachers, etc. and he seemed like a serious(but polite) character. But on his blog he has a close circle of friends and photos show him as happy/friendly/humorous.. This makes him hard to approach (although I'm not the type to approach a guy anyway.or do the whole hair flip/twirl/etc tactics)

I'm pretty shy myself when it comes to guys,(and I hesitate saying this,) because I've never dated a guy before (coming from an ethnic South Asian family, my parents want me to save that for later AKA retirement when I "have time for it".  *eyeroll*) Anyway, I haven't really met anyone who I've been attracted to as a whole.
I've absolutely no (romantic <--loose term) experience with guys... I'm not saying I have a face like a collapsed lung. I've had several admirers (a handful of stalkers) but I haven't met someone where the feeling's been mutual.

I'm a pretty social and friendly person, especially when I can read someone. But I'm extremely intimidated by this guy whenever I pass by him or am even in the same room with him. I was too scared to even make eye contact with this guy.

My freshman year went by and I pined away anonymously for him. A couple of times we made awkward eye contact in passing, but no smiles were exchanged. Several times there were some crazy coincidences where we ended up at the same place/time but nothing happened. I feel like sometimes whenever I pass by him on the street and try to make eye contact, he deliberately avoids it. It's frustrating bc I at least want to smile at him. Earlier this year, he had a class in the same room I have a class and I decided to make a subtle move. I sort of picked him out of a group of people working in the same area to ask him to help me get something out of my reach. He said "sure" and came over and got it . This wasn't enough for me, so as he was walking out the door for a break, I asked him what class it was that he was taking (bc i was interested in taking it next semester)...He replied with "Screenprinting." I kind of grimaced, (I was expecting an ambiguous name from which i could get him to elaborate on, etc) and said "Eh-oh..haha..Thanks" He smiled at my response and that was that.

This semester we have one class together (i was like "JESUS, TAKE THE WHEEL!!").. we did the whole awkward eye contact thing, and I cowered in the opposite side of the room.

I feel like I'm blowing this whole thing out of proportion, BUT something in my gut feels there is something potential there? I wouldn't waste my time lamenting over a guy that I am completely sure is uninterested in me. I'm shy myself so if i were interested in someone, I tend to act like I don;t like them (i know its dumb, but i have a phobia of rejection)
Friends have been telling me to do ridiculous things like go up to him and introduce myself and ask him out to coffee...BUT that is awkward. Might as well go ahead and wear a hat that says "I think you're hot" and give him a lap dance while I'm at it .

my point is, I'd like to let him know SUBTLY that I like him, and be able to know if he has any sort of interest in me (preferably swap the order of those). I think this class that we share is a prime opportunity to get closer.. It feels unnatural and forced to expose my feelings to someone (who's shy!) I have no history with and I am intimidated by.

Any advice on what to do from here??

thanks!

Answer
Renee,

I was shy when I was young, too. I thought a lot about what kind of guy I wanted and when was my deadline for meeting him. I was young, but I felt I had to meet him in school since I didn't think I'd meet the right type of guy in the working world, because my dream guy would have a totally different kind of job. My determination gave me the courage to stop acting totally shy. Do you have anything to help give you such determination?

I still was kind of shy, but I started by just saying hi to him and trying to find out where he hangs out so we could be in the same place at the same time and maybe get to talking about something we have in common. I did choose a class that he was in and the time came when he was doing something that gave me the idea that we had a common interest to talk about. He was interested in talking about his interests. I was not as knowledgable as him on the topic, but that's OK, because it made him feel good to tell me how smart he was about it. He let me sit next to him during a show the class went to and on the train home, though he was talking to his guy friends more than me.

I continued trying to find places we could be together. We'd talk just a bit and became friendly. There were school activities and I felt comfortable enough to ask if he was going to them. He was, so I made sure I'd be there, too. He told me later that he was interested in me all along even though he acted like he hardly cared, but he was nervous, too, and didn't know how to approach me or what to say. Maybe that's true of this guy with you.

You have something I didn't have - the internet. Usually people who blog publicly want to have readers, not just a few friends. Especially if he blogs about something serious that he's interested in and not just silly things he thinks will attract conversation from his friends. If he blogs about something in the news or some big school issue or something, I see no reason why you can't comment on his blog. If he's not interested in you, he may never be interested in you if he doesn't have contact with you. What have you got to lose? You have no contact with him now.

Does he have a Facebook account? If he blogs about having some other social network account, see if you can friend him or follow him or whatever. Get to know what he likes so you can talk to him. You're just going to start by making friends - don't let on that it's more than that. He can decide if he wants to become a closer friend by answering back to you (though if he doesn't answer back, if it was me, I'd try again another time) and maybe he'll talk to you when you see each other. If he likes to be a wise-guy & joke, that doesn't necessarily mean he's not interested. Laugh or give him a cute smile and then walk away. He may want to be in your presence again later. Pay attention to the slightest body language that says he might be interested.

He's young and men are usually more immature than women emotionally, so he may be less ready for a regular date than you are, but he's going to become interested in going out with someone (unless he's gay, then it'll be a guy), but assuming he's straight, he might be more interested in your than you think. If it turns out he's not, you haven't lost anything by trying.

There are a lot of interesting men who you might become attracted to later if it doesn't work with  this guy, Be patient; give it some time & see what happens - you have time.

Good luck!