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How to Attract the Man of Your Dreams/Guy is extremely attractive maybe out of my league

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Hi,
Thanks for being a volunteer on allexperts.com
I recently met a man online and at first I wasn't going to write him because I thought he was very very cute and wouldn't be attracted to me. I send him an email anyways. We talked for a few days and he kept asking to see my photos so I sent some to him. He said that he thought I was pretty, but I can't help feeling like somethings got to be wrong here. In my head I feel like hes going to use me or do something cruel! He's given me no reason to think that, but it makes me a little nervous. Despite all this I am excited to meet him eventually.

I haven't been in a situation like this, any suggestions on how to deal with it?

Thank you!

Answer
Hey Mel!

No need to thank me!  I enjoy doing this.  But you're welcome!

Really, it just sounds like your fears are based on something irrational that you haven't quite figured out yet.  Now, bear in mind, just because they are irrational doesn't mean they're wrong!  But it does mean that, since you don't know where they're coming from, you can't know how accurate they are.

There's a form of therapy called "Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy" - REBT for short - that I'm really into, partially because you don't actually need to see a therapist to enact it, you can learn how to apply it yourself!  A common misconception about emotions is that they are wrong, or useless or even a burden.  Emotions serve a purpose, and a vital one.  They are an IMMEDIATE signal to us that something is wrong.  The problem is that unless we also apply reason, we can't be sure WHAT exactly is wrong.  That being said, sometimes we can experience an emotion or even sustain an emotion to such a degree that it causes problems in our lives, and no longer serves its function.

The gist of the idea is that you question every extreme and debilitating feeling that you have.  Ask yourself what you are feeling, or what you are scared of and why?  Ask yourself if this fear is realistic or even plausible?  Ask yourself what would REALLY happen if it came true.  Ask yourself if you've considered other more realistic or positive alternatives.  In other words, don't let that feeling or any thoughts that result from that feeling go unchallenged!  Challenge all of your inhibiting emotions until you find out what is at the root of them.

I'd say this is particularly applicable to you, since you seem conflicted: on the one hand, you thought he was out of your league, yet you had the confidence and courage to contact him anyway.  You are afraid to meet him, yet you acknowledge that he's given you no reason to be and you also feel excited about it.

It's up to you whether YOU are going to make the decisions in your life, or you're going to let fear do that for you.  I hope you give the first one a shot though!  Good luck, and I hope everything works out!

How to Attract the Man of Your Dreams

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Brian

Expertise

Any and all questions about men! I've noticed there aren't any male experts here, so if you're interested in getting a man's perspective on how to win us, just ask away!

Experience

Knowledge of psychology, especially between the sexes. Mainly just very self-aware and socially experienced. I'm the go to guy for most of my friends, both male and female, when they can't seem to figure out the opposite sex (cuz let me tell you, they're tricky!).

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none in particular in regards to this topic.

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