How to Attract the Man of Your Dreams/Please help me.

Advertisement


Question
Hi, please help me.
Everybody says I have "The package" - looks (so im always told :-/... money, caring/ loving/kind. But why cant I find anyone?? I have been single for 15 years.  Every single of my friends are married with two or more children. I feel im the laughing stock of my friends as they labeled me as desperate- how ever i make sure i dont come across too keen or earner (i have read the rule book)
I just dont get it- i dont know what am i doing wrong- there is a line of sinle people in my family (uncles and aunties) is it in the genes??
Guys say they like me but its bad timing or something.
Im not easy/ giving them what they want and they say that- I just dont get it- shall i move aboard??
Am i doing something that Iam not aware of??

Answer
Hello Sarah!

First of all, I'm honestly sorry to hear you're going through all of this.

Second of all, it's very likely entirely self-inflicted. Read on:

It's not in the genes. It's in the choices you make. In fact, by following "The Rules" ("TR") there's no other possible outcome you could have.

I can't begin to tell you how many women I've worked with in the exact same situation you're in right now who also read and follow that ridiculous book - and books just like it ("Why Men Love Bitches", etc.) It's been debunked over and over again. Now, they're back with ANOTHER way of getting terrified, ignorant women to buy into the same ridiculousness. Just look at your own situation - and realize that you're not unique by any stretch of the imagination!

Let's put you in the shoes of your target market for a minute. Play along with me here.

Let's say you're a guy and you meet this incredible girl named Sarah. She beautiful, kind, loving, etc. and you're thrilled that you might just be able to actually date; and who knows, maybe fall in love, with her. That would be incredible, right?

So, you're falling all over yourself to call this girl, get a date set up and begin trying to move things forward.

The only problem is that; you have a life and you have needs too - just like she does. You consider yourself to be a gentleman, conscientious, polite and considerate. You call her up on Thursday to see if she's available on Friday to meet up for a drink.

No answer (because, you know TR says NOT to pick up the phone). You leave a message. She doesn't call him back (TR says not to). Now, you're confused why that sweet girl is so rude.

You wait a few days (having lost a LOT of interest and respect in her - CONTRARY to what TR says) and you calls her again. This time, she picks up but she kicks herself for it. You're pleasantly surprised and ask her how she's doing. She tells you how great everything is but (as per TR) tells you that she's busy and has to go. You, not wanting to be too pushy agree and say goodbye - rather than to set up the date you wanted.

Now, you're put off by the girl. You're not "intrigued" by her at all. You see her as the same, stuck-up, inconsiderate, using bitch that your buddies warned you she was.

Now, let's say that you got lucky instead. Let's say that Sarah didn't blow you off (because she's not really that good a rules girl) and you actually meet her for that date.

Now, she's not at all engaging. She's not enthusiastic or forthcoming and doesn't even seem interested in being there with you. She seems aloof and evasive. You even try to kiss her and she pushes you away.

Sarah, really. How in the HELL would that EVER cause anyone to be interested in you? Answer: IT WON'T - unless the guy is so weak and insecure that he couldn't possibly have anyone else and you're his absolute last choice!

Why would you ever want to be THAT girl? Oh, that's right, some idiots TOLD you that it would work. Oh, by the way - do you know anything about those authors? It might help to look into their lives and see what examples they've made of them.

Be absolutely clear on this point: you're doing the exact opposite of what you need to do in order to attract and keep the great guy you know you're worthy of. In fact, you've spent 15 years of your life killing off some (very likely) GREAT opportunities!

I think it's time to turn that around before you spend ANOTHER 15 years alone.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

How to Attract the Man of Your Dreams

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Dr. Dennis W. Neder

Expertise

Literally, any question related to finding and meeting the man of your dreams. I am the top-rated expert in "General Dating Questions", "How to Attract the Man/Woman of your Dreams" and "Places to Meet People". In fact, over the past few years, I've answered over 32,000 letters from readers, have written over 700 articles, written numerous books, recorded CD's and DVD's, done hundreds of radio and tv shows and have millions of readers all over the world. If your question is particularly sensitive you can also write to me privately and securely at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

Experience

I've written many books on every aspect of dating, sex and relationships. My new book, "How Women Can Approach Men" is already quickly becoming one of our best-sellers! Women have many tools at their disposal and shouldn't have to wait for "Mr. Right" to come along! After reading some of the advice the women in this section are getting from other women, I think it's a good idea to offer a man's perspective.

Organizations
Numerous boards and commissions, civic organizations, etc.

Publications
Thousands of websites, magazines, radio and TV.

Education/Credentials
Doctor of Philosophy

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.